I'm [24f] taking a break from having sex, IDK for how long... I told an old coworker [30s m], and he told a bunch of other people about it
. So I've realized I've got a pretty unhealthy mindset around sex. For a long time, I was living in a place (american Midwest with a Catholic family) that treated sex as super shameful and disgusting.
I did a complete 180 from that when I went to college, having a lot of casual sex, figuring out my sexuality (I'm bisexual but I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I was gay or straight.. And by figure out, I mean have a lot of sex to figure out what I liked best. I had a lot of people in my life kinda invalidate the fact that someone can like both, so it took me a while to come to terms with being bi.)
I mostly had good experiences for the first few years. Had casual sex, but with people who i liked and trusted, or had fun dating new people and just making it clear that nothing was serious.
But then I got into some worse situations. I had someone take advantage of me, and it took me way too long after that to stand up to him for what he did. I also had a lot of people looking down on me for the way I live my life, which didn't do great for my self esteem. I felt unable to actually form a meaningful connection with someone I was dating seriously, because I had been in the habit of completely separating sex from emotions for years.
I suffered with an eating disorder for a while, never feeling like I was pretty enough. I've gotten control over that now, I'm back in a healthy weight range for my height and age. But I know that it's probably something I'll always have to be watchful over, lest I slip back into those unhealthy habits.
Over the last year, I've been seeing a therapist regularly and she's been helping me a lot. I've also done a lot of soul searching and trying to improve myself and improve my situation in life. One thing that I've decided to do, on my own, is to stop having sex for a while until I work through my own thoughts surrounding it. So far it's been 2 months, which is quite some time for me. I want to work on myself in several ways before I go back to having sex.
Firstly, I want to improve my own self confidence and become good at setting boundaries with people who do not treat me with respect.
Secondly, I want to work through the way I am actively averse to commitment, how I feel strangled and stifled by anything approaching a relationship.
Thirdly, I want to work on reducing my risk-taking behavior. Looking back, there have been many times I put myself in dangerous situations without a second thought. If I felt anything at all during them, I felt weak for not being able to be completely fearless while in a dangerous place. That wasn't good, there's a reason I people feel fear and it shouldn't be ignored.
So to finally get onto my current issue, I've been working at a new company for about six months. Last night, a coworker from my old job (Will) and I went out for drinks, along with one other friend from my old job. The other friend, Cassy, left early, apparently her roommate was mad that her cat was puking everywhere.
Will and I kept hanging out for a while. When we'd been working together, I'd thought he was attractive but I never acted on it because I didn't want drama at work. Well, last night he was hitting on me and I ended up telling him that I was flattered but it wasn't a good time in my life to be having sex so I was going to go home.
I probably didn't word things the best, I was drunk.
Anyway, this morning Will texted me and basically said it was shitty that I assumed he was just after sex, and that I left right away without hardly talking.
I replied saying that I didn't mean to assume that, what was actually going on was that I was taking a break from sex in general and that I didn't figure it was fair to keep flirting when I was in a place where I sex is off the table for an indeterminate amount of time.
He asked me why I was saying all that, and I told him that it was for personal reasons but I really meant what I said.
I thought everything was fine until Cassy texted me later saying "What are you, some kinda born again christian virgin"
I asked her what the hell she was talking about, and apparently Will told a bunch of people from my old workplace that I was renouncing sex, and I wouldn't say why but it was probably some crazy bible-belt thing.
I said no, I was still an atheist, and also wtf...
IDK what to say, I feel so weird Will apparently told half the office that I'm renouncing sex, and I also im just stressed about how to tell other people who might hit on me that I'm taking a break from sex without it coming off weird.
TLDR - Im taking a break from having sex for personal reasons. It's apparently the talk of my old office now, that I mentioned it to an old co-worker who flirted with me
Submitted November 17, 2018 at 02:06PM by Throwaway3992i822 https://ift.tt/2Bd8LAz
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