I need help navigating a bday dinner party with my boyfriend and an obnoxiously salty and toxic ex hookup.

So I’m (24F) in a relationship with “Michael” (26M) and we’ve been blissfully happy for almost a year.

Before I met Michael, I was fresh out of a relationship and in a very anti-commitment, pro single lady stage in which I started booking up with this guy in my friend group Ryan (25). Ryan and I have always been cool, but interestingly enough my ex never liked him. He knew Ryan had a thing for me but ultimately it never mattered. I didn’t feel that way toward Ryan cause he was kind of an asshole (tolerable and loveable at the time) and would never cheat.

After my ex and I broke up (he’s the one who cheated, how nice) Ryan (as my ex predicted he would) pounced and I didn’t stop him (subconsciously partially probably to spite my ex). Anyway Ryan’s one of those douchey guys who make perfect F*ck buddies because their assholeness keeps you from ever ever catching feelings. He was funny and really good in bed which yes made him cocky but a perfect causal rebound. I was always clear that I wanted nothing more from him than a FWB and he “agreed”.

Things were fine but Ryan got salty near the end after I met my bf and started seeing him less and less. I should point out that I have been slowly drifting away from this particular friendgroup in general, since they’re the ones I used to party and rave and do drugs with. Although I still love them, ive been slowly growing out of that stage.

My current bf Michael is a dream. He’s responsible, honorable and humble. One thing about him is he’s kind of conservative (not politically) and isn’t into drugs or causal sex. Right off the bat when we met he swept me off my feet, but I was still seeing Ryan and dating others casually for the first month. To be fair, I ended things with Ryan well before Michael and I had an exclusivity talk over a month later, but Still...

So up until now I’ve done a really good job keeping Michael and this particular friend group separate. He knows about them and about my past with them but no specifics about Ryan or anything like that.

My best friend Katie and Michael and I have been hanging out lately and Michael now considers Katie a friend and vice versa. Problem is Katie is in the friend group that consists of Ryan and he’s invited to her upcoming bday party.

Basically idk how to navigate this. The thought of having Michael and Ryan in the same room, much less at the same dinner table is nauseating.

Ryan went from a loveable asshole to a just Plain ASSHOLE. Ever since I stopped seeing him, he’s been a complete jerk. If I ever saw him he’d make super salty remarks against me and my new relationship like, “whose the new pretty boy” and “bet he can’t [insert explicit sexual act] like me.” I had to block him on social media because he would respond to pics of my bf and I saying things like “really, this guy?” Even though I just blow it off, there’s a true malice in his action that makes me so uncomfortable. It’s clear he has an insecurity complex and I’d feel very very uncomfortable being in the same room with him and my bf.

I never really really complained to Katie other than the off hand comment cause I barely see Ryan these days. I honestly didn’t take him that seriously cause he was being annoying but harmless. However, now that the situation is here idk what to do. He’s already confirmed to go to the dinner party on fb and Asking Katie to uninvite him would cause more drama than good, especially because I never made his advances a big deal until now. They’ve all been friends for years. I can’t just say “hey uninvite Ryan cause he’s a dick. Oh he’s always been a dick you say? True but now my new bf is coming around and I don’t want him ruining things between us”. That would be kind of self centered of me especially since I’ve been the one blowing them off a bit lately and it’s not like Ryan hasn’t always been a d*ck.

It would crush Katie if I did go (she’s my bff).

At this point I want to go without my bf, but idk how to gracefully uninvite him, especially if he’s done nothing wrong. Katie invited us both verbally but Michael isn’t invited formally on fb yet. I don’t think he would put up a fight if I said I was going on my own, but if he asked why I wouldn’t know what to say.

My fear is that Ryan will make inappropriate comments about our past sex life to Michael and make things horrifyingly awkward for him, especially as a new comer guest at the dinner. I thought about texting Ryan, but that would just give him power and possibly incentive. He’s a bit of an alcoholic, and this dinner is at a rowdy BYOB Jamaican spot and there’s no telling what he’ll say.

What do I do? Should I just not go all together? Katie would be devastated and there are so many people I’d want to see. When I brought up my concern she said that I’m over thinking it and that Ryan will behave, but im not even the slightest bit convinced. I’d be on edge all night.

Even if I forewarn Michael, I’d hate to subject him to that shit if it happens. Even him knowing that I’d fool around with someone so scummy would be humiliating for me, much less him finding out that Ryan and I were sleeping together when we met. Had I known I’d fall so in love with Michael, I’d had stop messing around with Ryan much much earlier. I am willing to tell him the truth, absolutely, but it won’t change the fact that Ryan will likely try to emasculate my bf when he gets enough drinks in him.

What should I do? I love Michael so much and he’s been such a positive improvement in my life. How do I balance my old life and friend group that has been there for me through thick and thin while conserving this new mature life I’m building with Michael? Should I just bail on Katie, even though it’s not her fault?

Tdlr;

I need help navigating a bday party with my boyfriend and an obnoxiously salty ex hookup. Do I just skip it all together, uninvite my bf with a bs excuse and enjoy the night, or bring my bf and subject him to possible ridicule?

Submitted November 16, 2018 at 02:21PM by kookoo4cocopuffz https://ift.tt/2FntHJg