I [29F] am currently 7 weeks pregnant and yesterday my boyfriend [28M] said he doesn’t love me so we should break up, and doesn’t care what I do about the baby. Obviously I am devastated but I’m seriously conflicted about whether to keep the baby or not.
Background: we have been together about 6 months on and off. We’ve broken up a few times for various reasons (he’s scared and not ready for a relationship, I don’t communicate/open up to him, he doesn’t think he can make me happy) but he usually comes back and apologizes and asks for another chance. He’s never had a normal relationship and is in recovery from drugs/alcohol (2 years clean). He’s told me I’m the first girl he can see a real future with, with marriage and kids. He has said he doesn’t want to lose me, wants to be around me all the time, and to be patient with him and his struggles. I myself am very stable, college degree, a good government job and no major issues in my life. Well, loving him is my issue I guess.
Initially I was hesitant to have this baby because of our unstable relationship and just not being ready, and there’s always a possibility he will relapse. But he really wanted me to have the baby and he was so excited to be a dad. I warmed up to the idea after we saw a couples counselor about the issue and he said he wanted to be a family (he suggested we continue couples counseling). We even looked at houses for sale in his home state where we planned to move after the baby was born. He regularly expressed how happy he was and thought the situation was so meant to be. He bought me a beautiful ring that I loved ( not an engagement ring ) I guess as a symbol of his commitment to me - i dont know.
Anyway last week he lost his job after an argument with a co-worker and since then has been so stressed about not being able to provide that he gets sick. His lease is up next month so I got approved for an apartment for us so he wouldn’t have to worry about where he’s going to live, and he insisted we should move in together now. Well shit fell apart 2 days ago when he told me he was so scared about everything and the fact that he doesn’t feel a connection with me at times. I was blindsided because he was so certain we would be together and we have always had such a passionate relationship with crazy chemistry. He said he was not breaking up with me, but wanted me to talk to him more. The next day he was a bit colder about the topic and said he was waiting for something that might never happen (being in love?). I told him how upset I was about this and asked him why he suddenly felt this way. He said he’s felt this way for months! Next day, I called him and said I stayed home from work because of my anxiety about all of this. He then told me we should probably break up since he just isn’t in love with me, he should feel in love by now and doesn’t think he’s ever been in love with anyone at all. I asked him WHY did you beg me for more chances, made promises to stop hurting me and to be the man I deserve, and always tell me how much I mean to him and how perfect I am. He said he doesn’t know, that perhaps he was trying to convince himself he loved me. I told him that I loved him despite everything that has happened and all of his issues, and he said nothing. So I told him I didn’t want to have a child with someone who doesn’t love me. He said ok, and that he’ll likely move home out of state regardless of what I choose to do about the baby. I’ve heard nothing from him since then.
So, not only am I heartbroken and feeling betrayed, I’m facing the traumatic decision of whether to be a single mother or to terminate the pregnancy and move on with my life. In southern CA, I cannot afford rent, daycare and other bills on my own. I’m going to assume he will not be around or be a stable co-parent sharing any expenses with me. And I believe he will be an absent or unstable presence in the child’s life, disappearing and then coming back. Having daddy issues later in life is no bueno. If I got child support it wouldn’t be much. I only have my parents here and they are older with various health problems so I don’t want to rely on them for help. Any advice would be appreciated.
*TL;DR; * : my boyfriend wanted to be a family with me and our baby and then suddenly dumped me and plans to move away. I don’t know what to do now.
Edit: I think I should mention that I haven’t been able to eat or sleep so I don’t know what effect that might have on the baby. And my dilemma is more of a moral one since I would be terminating an innocent life. Who knows if I’ll meet anyone later and have kids the right way?
Edit #2: I have seen a few crisis counselors about this in the last 3 weeks, and none have really been able to give me brutally honest opinions on the situation. My parents are aware of the situation and will support whatever I choose, but they are conservative and want me to move back in and help with the baby. Again, I really don’t want to rely too much on anyone because this is MY mistake and I don’t want to burden anyone financially or otherwise.
Submitted August 01, 2018 at 09:56AM by ariessiren https://ift.tt/2AwBZvR
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