My (21F) friend (20F) told me I'm not allowed to use a saying to describe my mental illness. How do I respectfully tell her that she hurt me and I'm going to keep using it?

(Preferably in a way that I can do without crying, so concise I guess).

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I have suffered from depression for the last ten years of my life. I got diagnosed at twelve, three years after my mom died because my "grieving" wasn't progressing the way it should have been (I personally know I felt that way before and after my mom died). It's affected my life in a lot of different ways, but because of stigma from family members I always felt weak and would usually cry if I talked about its effects/my emotions/needs.

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Recently, I heard about the "spoons" theory. I love it! It gives me a concise way to say that I can't do something, or that the day is going to be hard, without me feeling like I have to brush up on my emotions too close to it. My friend (Eliza) asked me if something was wrong a couple of days ago, to which I just replied that I was low on spoons. I had work the day before and I had borrowed spoons to also be able to clean, so the day I talked to Eliza it was hard to even focus on conversation.

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She replied, "Spoons are only for those with chronic illnesses. I don't think you can use it." I was floored.

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I hesitantly brought up that I felt like mental illnesses (since a lot go through life with you) should also allow someone to use the spoon theory. She was insistent. "No, spoons are only for those who have a chronic illness. It's for those that physically don't have the energy for something. Like my partner, who has Lupus and is a spoonie."

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I just replied "Yeah, okay." Because I couldn't have that argument then. I spent the rest of the day in bed, crying and feeling shitty for using terminology not meant for me. But I spent some time later looking up who should use it and a lot of people agree that mental illness is a valid reason to use spoons.

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She and I hang with the same crowds a lot, and I want to keep using it. However, I don't want Eliza to call me on it anymore, especially around other friends. I also want to mend the rift, but am unsure how.

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tl;dr: I use spoon theory to describe my issues. My friend says since its for mental illness, and not chronic illness, that I can't use the terminology. How can I tell her that I'm going to keep using it?

Submitted August 28, 2018 at 07:48AM by pepicant https://ift.tt/2Nqp0xS