I got home from work and all her (25F) things were gone. She had packed up and moved 1,000 miles away without saying one word to me (31M)

TLDR; I was with my partner for 5 years. One day I come home and all her things are gone... it's been over a year since she left and she tells me that leaving has been the single greatest regret of her life.

Okay so here it goes reddit. I know the answer but this whole situation is riddled with so many issues that I think I just need to put it all out there so I can sort through the details. Maybe you all can help me out because I keep blaming myself for not realizing what was going at the time. I still care for her and miss her but shes been gone 13 months now and I need to move on.

So I was with a girl for 5 years, we lived together for 3 of those years and at first she was everything I could have asked for in a partner. We met at work and hit it off, it didn't take long before we were inseparable. I use to sketch quick portraits of her because it would make her smile, made sure to give her flowers once a month (yellow daisies), and I'd always go out of my way to make sure she was happy. She would show her love in a different ways, she always made sure I was comfortable, the house was spotless at all time, she always wanted to do what I wanted to do. She wasn't much for gifts or planning out nice gestures though, that always hurt a bit (I think because I was the complete opposite) she really loved me she just isn't the type to plan ahead.

So I bet your wondering when it all went south? Well its complicated and it took a long time before we hit the breaking point. I'm not pointing fingers because we both messed up but our first speed bump was my ex wife... yes I'm divorced, got married when I was 19 because I knocked my gf up and well I'm Hispanic so marriage is almost an expectation in our culture after something like that. Needless to say we weren't together long. I've had custody of my daughter since she was 3, she's 11 now. My gf couldn't stand my ex because she was never around and was never involved with her daughter. The problem here was that I'd be the one to get an earful later. Thankfully we would only see her every few months so it wasn't to big an issue.

A year into our relationship my gf lost her job but she was still attending school so I helped her out with rides and whatever else came up. After a bad year she was placed on academic probation and had to go speak with a counselor to enroll again, only problem is she never went... as the months went on I would occasionally mention going back to school or getting a job but I didn't push it. By this time we were already living together.

I resented her sometimes for staying at home; she was unmotivated... but at the same time she loved me, she was mine, and all I wanted to do was take care of her.

Over time the resentment grew. I would ask her about school and work and it would always turn into an argument so I began to avoid it. Keep in mind that despite this issue we still had a good relationship.

Time went on and I had a moment of anger, weakness, stupidity.. call it what you will but I started texting my ex. It went on for a week and it didn't lead to anything physical just texts... but that doesn't matter because she found out and the damage was done. This is the part that confuses me because I think I cheated out of spite. I say that because I had every opportunity to sneak out but I never did. I think I just wanted to hurt her... or I wanted her to show me that she cared. This next part is the reason I felt this way and it's in no way an excuse for what I did.

I work for an oilfield company so the hours can be long. I had been having a rough few weeks and I just didn't want to do the 50-60 hour work weeks anymore. I asked her to try and find a job because the hours were "slowly killing me" and I thought with both of us working I could afford to take a pay cut, but she didnt. She never did more than fill out an application or 2 before she gaving up and it just tore me up inside to know she wouldn't put in the effort for me. Bringing it up would only cause arguments so I just held it in.

So about a year and a half went by after that and we patched things up (though the cheating was held over my head for the next 2 years). We were happy, had a ton of adventures, but her situation hadn't changed she still wasn't working. At this point we found out that her grandmother had cancer. Her grandma raised her so it was a significant event. Her family was in Illinois and it hurt her so much that she couldn't be around. Her mom is a manipulative b*tch that would make things worse. She would call her just to say her grandmas going to die alone, or that she doesn't care about her family. All this really weighed heavily on her and she would occasionally slip into a bit of a depression. She began gaming to distract herself and she made some female friends online so I was completely supportive, she had found friends to talk to and that made me happy.

[Edit: She met Anna online and they hit it off because it turned out she lived 20 min away] I guess this is were shit hits the fan. Her name was Anna.... they would game, gossip, laugh all day... I liked her, she seemed nice. I encouraged her to go out... and go out she did.... I hadn't realised it at the time but Anna was planting seeds. She would tell my gf that she needed to go out and just enjoy herself because she had gotten into our relationship at such a young age... she was missing out on life. A few weeks of this eventually lead to my girlfriend coming home at 8, 9, 10am after a night out. I shared my concern but it was to late, she had this idea that she deserved to go out and have fun without me. I agreed but I would tell her to be home by 2am at the latest... she didn't take kindly to curfews.

Anna was only around for the last 2 months of our relationship. Things spiralled out of control quick and we went went from having a life together to just being two people living under the same roof. Anna had convinced her that she was unappreciated... she also gave her a solution... make him appreciate what he had by taking it all away.

I'm not trying to paint my gf as the bad guy. I understand why she left and what she was thinking. She wanted to see what was out there, she wanted to be closer to her family, she wanted to get away from the man who she felt didn't appreciate her.

So here's the part you all have been waiting for... the heartbreak, I remember it so well. It was a Saturday, I was working and we had been texting up until noon. She stopped replying and I didn't think anything of it, maybe she took a nap. I got home at 5:30pm, exhausted, it was 106F that day and all I wanted to do was shower. I walked into the house and noticed a box in the kitchen... i looked towards the living room and there's a few things missing off the wall... I felt a bit alarmed but it didn't seem like a big deal so I took a few steps as I was unbuttoning my shirt and began to look around. I called out her name and no reply. I said her name again and began walking towards our bedroom. I swung open the door and looked towards a wide open closet... all her clothes were gone... i felt sick to my stomach but I still didn't know what was going on. I ran into the 3rd bedroom which was her "makeup room" and that's when it hit me. Her vanity was gone, her clothes were gone, she was gone... the final blow was when I checked our bank account... all I could do was sit there and cry while dialing her number over and over again... she never answered.

So I'm writing this 13 months after the fact because she regrets leaving. Her and Anna had a falling out a few weeks after she left and my exgf has been hanging on to the hope we might still get back together. She even has a steady job now, she's been there a few months and she says that she just wants to prove to me that she's changed.

I loved her but I don't want her back reddit. She destroyed me when she left. I hate her for it... So why does it still hurt so much?

Submitted August 29, 2018 at 05:49AM by cquintero2 https://ift.tt/2BYyhMn