I (24M) just found out my ex (23F) is pregnant after her IUD failed

Yesterday I (24M) found out that my ex-girlfriend (23F) who I broke up with a few weeks ago, is 4 weeks pregnant with my baby. This was highly unexpected because she had a Mirena IUD, which is a contraceptive that has a 99.8% prevention rate. Yesterday she suspected that her IUD was “loose”, so she went to Planned Parenthood to get it checked out, as well as to get a pregnancy test done. Positive.

Below is a backstory of our turbulent 18-month relationship.

We met in college in Ohio and immediately hit it off, starting to be exclusive only after a few months of knowing each other. I had always struggled in the dating world, mostly due to being a student-athlete and not having too many opportunities in meeting other girls, so it was very refreshing to have someone like her be so open and honest with me from the very beginning. You know what they say, you love those who love you (or something like that).

Compared to myself who had little previous dating experience, my ex had gone through much more than the average college girl. She had gone through two previous abortions with her ex, which sent her already existing bipolar depression to a downward spiral, causing panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Desperate to take care of her expected children, she started going on Seeking Arrangement to seek partners who can provide for her. Although she only slept with one person who gave her some cash, her then boyfriend found out which led to the deterioration of their relationship, then the eventual break-up. I only started dating her less than a year after all of this, but I trusted that she was a recovered and changed person.

Eventually however, my trust to her started to fade due to her actions. Aside from being an engineering student at a university in Ohio, she was heavily involved in programming and designing for Bay Area start-ups, already having made a serious amount of money for a girl her age. Her ex also lived in the Bay Area. These facts caused the following incidents

1. Whenever she had to travel to the Bay Area for work, she stayed at an apartment couch of one of her start-up partners, whom which she had a sexual encounter with in the past. I was naturally uncomfortable with this, but I understood how expensive Bay Area hotels were and trusted that they currently have a purely work relationship.

2. One time we fought right before I dropped her off at the airport to travel for work, and we decided to un-share our location on our phones and take a break from talking for a few days. I later find out that she stayed at her ex’s behind my back, and was lying to my face when we started talking a few days after.

3. A few months after that she went on a trip to Europe with her family. One night she told me she was exhausted from spending time with her family, and that she will visit her friend who lives in London for the night. During that night her location was off, and called me four hours later to tell me about her night with her friend. I later find out through looking through her messages (snooping, it’s bad, I know) that she had been messaging guys that she met through Seeking Arrangement, and met up with a guy during that night in London. I confronted her and she immediately got defensive and stubborn, but eventually she realized her wrongdoing and begged for my forgiveness and that she will work on changing her character. I was really hurt by this, but I eventually gave in and took her back.

We broke up and got back together a few times more, but one thing that never changed was the fact that things were amazing when we were together, no matter if we were at my apartment or were traveling together. It was when we were apart that she would feel insecure and unsure of herself, and would rush to do something regrettable or attack me for not being attentive enough. It was incredibly taxing to me, but I kept telling myself that she was worth it the pain, and that things will eventually work out. I admit that I made some mistakes as well. In one attempt to break up with her I told her that I wasn’t attracted to her anymore. I realized how horrible that was later in that conversation and I apologized to her, but the damage was done. I worsened her already existing problem with bulimia and self-confidence, and naturally she started to care for me less.

Jump to a few months ago, she broke up with me frustrated with how I was acting towards her, some of the choices I’ve made in running my own business, and how I invest my money. She went back to Houston where she has lived for the past four months, and we agreed to keep talking and possibly plan on getting back together and living together once she gets back to Ohio to finish her degree. We met up three weeks later when she flew back to Ohio for a few days. We decided to get back together and work on our issues. It was a few moments later that she confessed that she had been seeing someone else in the last three weeks in Houston. I snapped, left her room, and broke down crying. Even though we weren’t together, she knew how much I wanted her back and was struggling with my career and life in general, yet she still crushed my heart by sleeping with someone else. I felt like I meant nothing to her. It was over for good. We worked to remain friends even after our breakup, but I knew inside that the best decision for me was to cut her off completely and move on.

Jump to today. I am currently on day two of knowing of her pregnancy. She insists to keep the baby regardless of whether I will be in her life or not, mainly because she doesn’t want to experience the pain and suffering that comes with abortion again after her two previous experiences. She is also much more confident that she can take care of the baby due to her recent financial and career success. I on the other hand, am terrified of the idea of having a child at this stage in my life, with a girl that I hate for putting me through so much emotional stress over the past few years. I am in the middle of starting and growing my real estate and contracting business in Ohio, and I barely have enough cash flow to support myself, let alone a family. I am also starting to believe that she may have gotten pregnant on purpose to keep me around; she has always talked about how great of a dad I would be, when we will get married, how many children we will have and what will we name them etc. This is just speculation however, but it just makes too much sense and this thought haunts me.

Reddit, I currently feel overcome with shame, anger, and depression from this news. Having a child out of wedlock will put a huge strain in how my family and friends perceive me, and I will be forced to find a more stable job and leave my entrepreneurial aspirations behind to help support the child. Do I stay with my ex and attempt to raise a family with her, or do I just walk away and try to find other happiness while paying for child support?

TL;DR: My ex has treated me poorly over our 18mo relationship. I broke up with her for good a few weeks ago. Now she's pregnant with my child.

UPDATE: Thank you for all your replies, it really means a lot since I have very few people I can talk about this to. I will take the necessary steps to confirm that the child is mine, but I would like to focus on to what extent I should stay in the child’s life, and how to deal with the shame and guilt that comes with this situation.

Submitted August 28, 2018 at 05:57PM by Coffman118 https://ift.tt/2BSBT2k