Breaking up with my now ex BPD

I'd like ro run you guys through the nightmarish break up process with a BPD (diagnosed) girl I was in a LTR for over a year.

Quick bio I'm 24, high value on paper (225lbs, 12%bf, 6'2, financially independent by owning a few rental properties, expanding every few years.), In reality I'm incapable of capitalizing on the value, therefore my confidence is nowhere near where it should be at.

Backstory

I found out TRP very early in the relationship, I took a lot of it in, the relationship back then was golden, I was in control, I was leading, I was happy.

As time went, the girl started showing her fangs, but I still refused to cut it off, even thought I knew at the back of my head that I deserve better.

I moved in with her 10months in, my new apartment was getting furnished, so I decided I would crash with her, which basically became a silent deal, that we will move in together once my place was finished.

As I've mentioned before, the relationship was becoming worse and worse with every day. More tantrums, more toxicity, more "bpd breakouts". She would lash out, I'd hold frame, she'd cry and apologize. But nothing would change.

I wanted out, but I couldn't do it, I wasn't feeling comfortable with leaving her, but I also wasn't comfortable in the relationship, I knew this shit wasn't worth the drama and effort I had to put in just to maintain the relationship, but I still stuck wih it, because I have no backbone.

Then, I stumbled upon /u/Whisper post reply, where he said "dropping a plate isn't failure, staying in any sort of a relationship, where you aren't in control is". And I applied it to my case, it was eye opening.

The break up

We're laying in bed, talking about what we've done that day. She asks me if I've eaten the ramen that was in the cupboard (ramen +2 cans of tune when Im feeling lazy is my pwo meal of choice).

Me: yeah

Her: wow, I can't believe you've done that

Me: Oh yeah, what a horrible thing I've done.

Her: No, Im serious

Me: Me too, I can't believe I ate 10 cents worth of ramen, I should be locked up.

Her: the thing is it was my ramen and you didn't eben ask me.

Me: Lord forgive me for my sins./ I stood up to get some water, thus removing myself from the argument I felt was brewing.

Her: You know what, Im done with this bullshit

Me: Ok, I'll pack my things tomorrow.

Her: Now!

Me: alright

As Im packing my things she just storms around spewing random insults

Her: you're a fucking disgrace, always only thinking about yourself. My parents paid for our dinner last weekend and you didn't even chip in. You can't even take me to a restaurant I wanted to go for ages (we never went, because I had to suffer similar tantrums every other week), I am a woman, I have needs and you can't fulfill them! You don't even have a job, where's your drive for fulfillment???

As she was saying all this I was simply packing my things and smiling. But inside my fucking throat was clenching with all the rage trying to blow out, I had an argument against her every accusation, I wanted to call her an ungrateful bitch so bad. But I didn't. I kept quiet and smiled.

As Im almost out the door her tantrum ends. She forces herself onto me and hugs me really tightly, saying she's verry verry sorry. I feel nothing, I've had enough. I just stand there, and tell her it's over. She begins hysterically crying, bawling her eyes out, making my t-shirt wet, refusing to let go of her death grip, despite me trying to gently break away.

This continues for about 30 minutes. Everytime she calms down, I try to get away, she starts begging me again and the cycle continues. During that period I've heard everything from "you're the love of my life" to "I'll die without you". Stayed unphased by it all.

It was getting late. I told her we should go to bed. "Together?" (Not as in a relationship, but as in her and I) She asks me, I respond with a nod. We go to sleep. No sex, minimal contact, due to me.

When I woke up, she was already out for work. I finish packing my things, do a quick wash of my gym clothes, because the washing machine at my place isn't yet installed. Drop the key off at the letterbox and leave.

I have blocked her on everything, she still doesn't know I'm gone. I'm certain it isn't the last I've heard of her, but I'm also hoping it is.

Submitted August 01, 2018 at 07:51AM by Rav_the_slav https://ift.tt/2mZC8yi