I (F23) was asked out by my co worker (M45) who is married with 4 kids.
I've been working remotely these last few weeks and today I came into the office for a meeting. After the meeting we started chatting and he started to give me a bit of a hard time about not replying to his messages.
He has only ever texted me about work but recently he has started texting me to find out how I'm doing because I'm rarely in the office and he apparently noticed. I told him that I've been quite busy and he said that no one is too busy to reply to a text.
I was actually avoiding responding to his messages because I didn't like that he was texting me "Hey, how are you?" outside of work. I didn't want to respond to his messages so I didn't.
He proceeded to ask me what I had planned for the weekend and I mentioned that it was my birthday. I told him that I didn't have anything planned and just wanted to relax. That's when he asked me if he could take me out for my birthday.
I brought up his wife in response to his question and he said "My wife has never stopped me from having friends. Its not an issue".
I was caught off guard because he has a daughter that's 1 year younger than me. He's also married. And he's old enough to be my father.
I refused his request to take me out on my birthday but thanked him for his offer. He told me the offer would still be "on the table" and to "think about it".
He tried to make it seem like it was 2 friends grabbing dinner but its not sitting right with me. Am I being too sensitive? I have a tendency to gaslight myself and I'm not certain if that's what I'm doing here because I don't trust myself (I'm currently working through this in therapy).
I don't know how to deal with this going forward. He will literally go out of his way to step in front of me while I'm walking so he can speak to me. It doesn't matter that my head is down and I'm pretending to look at my phone screen. Avoiding him has become extremely difficult. He always makes a point to inquire about my dating life and ask why I'm single. He told me that I'm single because I have "unrealistic standards". A few weeks ago he told me that he was thinking about setting me up with one of his friends and asked me what age group I'm willing to consider .
How do I handle this going forward? Is there a way to do it that doesn't cause friction in the office? Saying no has never worked for me. I feel bad for feeling uncomfortable because he's always been kind to me. But I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I don't want to jeopardize my employment.
TL;DR: My co worker who is significantly older (M45) asked me out to dinner but he's married and insists that his wife is fine with him having friends. How do I handle this situation without causing friction in the office?
Submitted July 12, 2022 at 12:22AM by SunnyWays8 https://ift.tt/hGR5iBt
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