Let me just start by saying that I [25/m] truly love this guy [28/m]. I'm honored that he wants me to be one of his groomsmen. That said, the idea of it is getting increasingly difficult. They decided to do a destination wedding on the other side of the country at Disneyland in California. I have nothing against it if that is what makes him and his future wife happy, but I live in Alabama now. That means plane tickets + rental car = $$$. They also have the rehearsal dinner on a Thursday, wedding on Friday, and expect the bridal party to be in town by Wednesday evening. That means most likely three days of vacation from work. He also wants the bridal party to stay in one of Disney's actual hotels = $$$. He started getting pretty miffed when I suggested I didn't want to do that and would prefer to stay at hotel further out from the park to save money. I've never paid this kind of money for a vacation or trip for *myself* let alone someone else.
I've also been a bit miffed by his attitude regarding it. When he first asked me to be in his wedding, he bragged about how he wasn't going to have to pay a dime for a wedding because the bride's parents were going to pay for it. Great! That means more money to start your life together. Then he went into a speech about how I needed to start taking a little money out of each paycheck to make sure that I could afford being in the wedding. The obvious rudeness of trying to tell someone else how to manage their money unsolicited aside, it seems like you might be taking it a little far if you think it is necessary to tell your groomsmen to make a separate line item in their budget two years out from the wedding to make it all work after you just made it clear that this is all going down at no cost to yourself. But, hey, that is their business and it is what it is.
Other than that, there were also some implications made that it would be preferable that I didn't bring my girlfriend with me. They didn't outright say it, but it came up a few different times to the point that I don't feel like I'm unfairly assuming. "It'll be more expensive and you'll be spending most of your time doing things for us anyway." Oh, uh, alright. Did you know I'll probably be engaged to her by then and probably won't want to leave her behind for a weekend? "Oh. Are you sure about that? It seems like you are assuming a lot could happen between then and now." Well, yes, the wedding isn't happening for two more years - I'd say a lot could happen in that time.
All this to say, I know the wedding is very important to him. He wouldn't be acting like this if it wasn't and I know the wedding planning is probably bringing out a little bit of groomzilla that doesn't normally define him. And I respect what he wants here - it is his day. But, damn. It doesn't sound fun. It sounds extremely expensive and time consuming. If you were in my shoes, do you think it would be wrong to tell your childhood best friend no to being in his wedding? I feel like he is going to take it extremely personally and could jeopardize the friendship, but I don't feel like he is being all that considerate and I feel like the costs are a bit unreasonable for me.
TD;LR: Childhood best friend [28/m] wants me [25/m] to spend well over a $1000 dollars and three days of vacation to be part of his destination wedding. I want to be in his wedding, but don't want to spend that type of money. Am I being selfish? What should I do?
Submitted February 28, 2022 at 06:27PM by SwankyPapist https://ift.tt/5SmonUs
No comments:
Post a Comment