I apologize for mobile formatting or if I'm being whiny. I hope by posting this, I can find some answers within myself or online. I also apologize because I feel like I'm bringing up such an inane thing.
We've been coworkers for a couple years, always friendly, have similar interests. In May, we started hanging out outside of work. I wasn't looking for a relationship with her at the time. I just appreciated her company.
Over the summer, we hung out whenever we could; she was busy with travel and being a single mom, I was busy with work, travel, and house hunting. We talked all the time. As we opened up to each other more, I started developing feelings for her.
I talked about her with my friends that knew her. They said she was likely showing interest because she bothered to make time for me as a single mom. I started slowly saying and doing things that indicated I was interested. I thought that was the way I should make my feelings known at the time, because she's a guarded individual. I thought she was likely understanding my intent and that I was being welcomed to do so based off her reactions.
In August, I made up my mind to ask her out on a date, when she became incredibly distant all of a sudden. We ended up talking about it. She was super swamped by the first couple weeks of class, was picking up extra shifts at work while she could, was feeling guilty about not spending time with her kid, and was dealing with a lot of drama with her long-term ex who she had a breakup with in February. After our talk, she started becoming her normal self again. I delayed asking her out because of her schedule. In restrospect, I wonder if she had picked up on my signals and was trying to politely decline by withdrawing, although she tended to do the same whenever she became stressed.
A couple weeks ago, she officially cut the last ties with her ex. She was distraught and sought comfort in me. I obliged because it was the right thing to do, not because I was trying to earn "nice guy points" or expecting anything. I thought I was likely sabotaging myself by being so candid with talking about her ex.
Fast forward to yesterday, she's talking like her old self again, but texted something like, " I should go golfing more, there are so many responsible looking men around." I asked her if she was free to go to dinner in a few days, explicitly for asking a date. She replied with "I'm flattered, I think you're really great, but I haven't really gotten a more than friends vibe from you."
We started a very open conversation about it. She said she was sorry if she made things appear differently. A bit further into the discussion, she hit me with " I can honestly say I wish things were different because we have a lot of similar likes and stuff. "
She wants to remain friends and I'm honestly happy with that; I have a genuine interest in her as a person, not just as a potential girlfriend. I'm not trying to gain her trust and hope that she'll eventually want to date me; I know we won't be anything other than friends and accept it.
I'm still hurt though. I'm disappointed in myself for misreading things. Self-doubt about my attractiveness (physical and otherwise) is echoing in my head. I'm terrified that I may have reverted back into a "nice guy" when I thought I had done away with that immature mindset half a lifetime ago. Should I have acted differently? Was I wrong to ask?
Ultimately, there's the question, "what now?" that I haven't found an additional answer to besides move on and be grateful for what I have. I guess I'm just feeling a bit lost now.
TL;DR I fell for a friend after hanging out, asked her out, was rejected, and now I'm questioning myself.
Submitted September 07, 2021 at 02:47AM by PoppinLikePacman https://ift.tt/38Lwrfp
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