My [30/f] live-in boyfriend [33/m] thinks that the amount of time I want to spend together is unrealistic.

Hi Reddit! To preface, we've been dating for 3ish years, living together for 2.5. This is probably the main conflict we have in our relationship, and I think we've both considered breaking up because of our incompatibility in this area. I've never lived with someone before him, but have had other very long-term relationships.

I am a person who likes a lot of togetherness in a relationship. I consider my partner my best friend and my favorite person, and there are very few things I'd rather do alone than with my partner (obviously I do solo activities, like reading, but in terms of things that can be done together, I'd rather my partner be there with me). I grew up in a family where we all spent a lot of time together, as well, with my parents cooking dinner together every night and hanging out and watching TV after.

In my current relationship, we started off spending a ton of time together. When we first moved in to the same place, for 6 months or so, if we were both at home, we would likely be spending time together-- chatting, cooking, having sex, watching TV and cuddling, whatever. I was very happy with this arrangement. I would see my friends alone 1x a week or so, and we would occasionally take time apart to practice our own hobbies.

However, the longer we've been together, the more the time we spend together has been getting winnowed down. Lately, we've been arguing a lot about this. I have told him many times that, if we're both chilling at home after work, I expect us to spend some time together. For the last 6 months or so, we will usually cook dinner together and watch an episode of a TV show (~ 1 hour) while we're eating. Then, he will pick up his guitar and practice for the next hour and a half or so, while I watch TV on my laptop or read. Then we go to bed, which is when he likes to read. We'll read silently next to each other in bed for 45 minutes-1 hour and then go to sleep. I'm mostly okay with this arrangement, though it makes me sad that I feel like we have an "allotted" amount of time to spend together most evenings (2 hours with cooking and TV), and then that's it. If I ask for another episode, or to do something else together, the answer is almost always no.

Lately, though, he's been getting irritated with me when I ask what we're doing for dinner, and says he feels "obligated" to always follow the same routine of making dinner with me, then watching a show. This makes me really sad, and I've started to feel anxious at the end of each workday, too, since I don't know if our normal routine will happen (and if it doesn't, then we basically won't spend any time together). I'm already at the low end of the togetherness spectrum as it is, and I NEED that time. We had a talk about it last night and he said what he always does-- that he needs time to do his own hobbies, etc. I expressed again what I need, which is to spend some time together each night if we're both at home. He got angry during this conversation and said that this need of mine was "codependent." I vehemently disagreed, saying that it's normal to want to spend time each day with your live-in partner. He said that my needs in this department were unrealistic, and that he'd prefer to have a few days a week to just do his own thing all evening, and others where we hang out together. (I should add that we usually do spend most of the weekend together).

I've really started to wonder whether what I want is, in fact, unrealistic, and if I should change my expectations. My parents spend time together each evening (married 30+ years), and my dad still has time to go practice his instrument by himself, and my mom still has time to do her evening workout by herself. Am I asking for too much? Are there relationships that operate in the way I'd like (to spend most of our spare time together in the evening and a bit of time doing our own things)? Or is this just a huge incompatibility, and I should consider ending the relationship? Thank you for any advice.

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TL;DR: boyfriend thinks the amount of time I want to spend together is unrealistic and keeps trying to cut it back, where I feel like I want MORE time together.

Submitted May 25, 2021 at 12:00PM by PineappleShoddy4441 https://ift.tt/34m769L