My (28f) boyfriend (32m) was laid off due to COVID-19 last summer. He originally decided to use this time to reset and relax a few months till the world calmed down. I was supportive of this since I thought he deserved a break and had plenty of savings.
It has now almost been a year and he is still out of work. He has some savings he's been living off of, but I know that is starting to get low. We do not live together and my finances are in no way tied to him, so I am not being impacted and I do not support him financially. But we've been together 2 years and we want to eventually move into together, but I've made it clear not until he's working. He says he is applying for jobs, but when people around us suggest job openings they know of (or even line up interviews for him), he says how those jobs aren't good enough for him... every job opening I send to him (~10 a week) he has some excuse about how it's not what he wants to do. But he has no answer when you ask him what he wants to do. I understand he may be having some sort of existential crisis right now and I know he wants a job that can support himself. And while I understand he doesn't want a minimum wage job since he has a degree (and student loan debt), we are approaching this situation very differently, as I would be much more open to any job if I were in that position.
Meanwhile his roommates say he spends most of his time in front of the computer playing video games... I have been losing my patience with him. While he won't talk about it, I know he is depressed. I am honestly losing attraction to him with his lack of work ethic now, and I feel awful about it. This is really the only issue we have had in our relationship. But he has definitely stopped "trying" as much in our relationship since he has been unemployed and isn't nearly as romantic as he was the first year we were together.
Anytime we try and talk about this he gets defensive and says he can't control the state of things due to covid...but I worry he's making excuses. All our family and friends keep asking me why he isn't working and I'm tired of feeling like I need to make excuses for him. It has reached the point where my family and friends, and even his friends, are all telling me to leave him because I deserve better... I have tried to focus on my own wellbeing, working 3 jobs to try and be financially stable and buy a house. But every now and then he gets upset I work so much and tells me to quit my 2 part time jobs....
I guess I ultimately just want advice on whether or not I should keep being patient with him or how to approach this topic with him in a loving, but constructive way.
TL;DR My boyfriend has been unemployed due to covid-19 lay offs for almost a year now and does not seem to be motivated to find a job. I would like advice on how to constructively approach the subject without attacking him and how to be supportive.
Submitted May 03, 2021 at 08:20PM by LeftistBiologist https://ift.tt/2QQqZm9
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