I [30F] am finding myself increasingly annoyed with my mother [64F], and I don’t know how to address the issue.

In general, my mom and I have a great relationship. We talk on the phone nearly every day, she always has my back, I always have hers, we love spending time together, etc.

Lately, though, I have found her increasingly more difficult to deal with, and I hate the way I’m reacting. She’s always had a dramatic / negative streak, but it seems to have gotten worse as she gets older. It’s getting to the point where I’m filtering the stories I share with her just because I don’t want to deal with what she says, and I am limiting my visits.

A couple of recent examples that aren’t that bad at face value, but they are constant. My boyfriend is heavily into fitness and competitions. We recently went on vacation for a week for a race, and because the race was at the end of the week, it limited what we could do (limited hiking, for example, to make sure he was recovered enough for the race, no alcohol, things of that nature). When I first told her about the trip, her response was “fuck that” and “do you really want to spend your life like this?” and “what is in this for you?” I was just flabbergasted. I told her I was happy, I was excited for the trip, we were going to have a great time... during the trip I called her, and again she was negative. I straight up told her to stop saying those things, it was for me to decide if I was happy or not, and that she was bringing me down. She said she wouldn’t say it anymore, and to her credit, she didn’t remark on the trip anymore, but this has been an ongoing issue. I tell her something I’m happy about or something going on in my life, and if it’s not something she would like or do, she says “fuck that.” The negativity is just so... draining. I find myself immediately raising my guard and getting snippy with her like I would no one else.

A second example. My parents graciously agreed to watch our pets while we were on the trip. I drove 6 hours round trip to drop them off, and after the trip (arrived home at night), I planned on driving the next morning to get the dogs. I had told her about my plan, and she was immediately super dramatic about it - “oh my god! You can’t do that! That’s too much work! You’re going to be exhausted. Come later, leave them with us! Oh my baby, you just can’t! Why are you doing all the work? Why not your boyfriend?” Just on and on. I told her it’s fine, I miss our dogs, I know they miss us, sure I’m tired but it’s fine, I would prefer to come get them now rather than leave them another week, my boyfriend has to go into the office, I work remotely - that’s why I have more flexibility to travel. Despite my reassurances, she just went on and on. Finally I had to yell over her “mom! It is FINE. Please STOP.” She relented, we got off the phone... and she followed up with a dramatic text, to which I replied, “appreciate the concern but I’ll see you in the morning.”

Many of these negative or dramatic statements happen when she has been drinking. It’s gotten to the point where I won’t call her after about 5pm because I just want to have a non-negative, drama-free conversation.

I’m also ashamed with my behavior towards her. Normally, I am kind, calm, sweet... but with her, after exhausting all my patience, I just get so annoyed and snippy with her. And now my annoyance is just coming out faster and faster. I’m just... exhausted. I know some of her statements come from a good place (like being concerned I would be too tired to get the dogs), but at some point it is just waaaaay too much.

Is there anything I can do besides... create more distance between us? How can I talk to her about these issues?

TL;DR - my mother is growing increasingly dramatic and negative and it is dragging me down and bringing out a side of my personality I am ashamed of. Alcohol is making her negative and dramatic statements worse. How do I address this issue? I fear my only recourse is to build more distance between us, and I am mourning the relationship we once had.

Submitted May 03, 2021 at 10:12AM by Purpleflowergirl777 https://ift.tt/3utRywd