My mother (47F) got extremely angry with me (19M) for creating a boundary with her and claimed that I was "passing my place" and threatened me with homelessness if I responded to her that way again. I'm not sure what to do and need advice. She's happy when she gets what she wants.

Please don't suggest or advise moving out. That's not an option that I have.

I'm 19, haven't been able to start college yet as a result of COVID and financial difficulties with my mother making things complicated. I found a new college to apply to recently for the sake of her pockets and I also haven't been able to work since graduation because there's not many jobs near me that actually get back to me. In relation to college, I'm still getting paperwork together for financial aid because my college required me to get a notary from our bank for the paperwork... My mom only took me to get that two days ago and they still require more paperwork after everything processed. Trust me when I say I want to be in school. I have wanted to be since I graduated because my major is something I am incredibly passionate about.

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This afternoon, she sent me some bible verse and a few paragraphs basically criticizing me for being "lazy." I've told her before that I don't like it when she berates me with criticism as if I haven't been making the effort to get into school. I switched colleges for the sake of her pockets since our property taxes happened to skyrocket. She couldn't afford to pay 1K out of pocket for me to take two college courses in the summer. I applied to a new college recently and they're in the process of processing my financial aid. Done everything by myself. The only thing she's done is give me her tax returns to supply the information for the FA and drive me to the bank to get the form notarized. As a way to pass time, I have an entire website dedicated to my creative writing and I watch documentaries + video essays and game in my free time. There's nothing much for me to do. I also cook for myself, do chores on a daily basis (my younger cousin leaves most of the chores to me because he's usually too obsessed with his video games to do things properly), and I take care of both the dog and cat by myself. She's not home 5/7 days of the week and I take care of the house for the most part. I make sure I'm doing my part in maintaining the house when she's gone. She can't say I don't do absolutely nothing. Even then, she still comes home searching for something to berate me about and accuse me of never doing anything.

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Religion has traumatized me over the years and she's well aware that I don't align myself with any sort of religion because it makes me uncomfortable. I ask her time and time again to exclude me from her practices, especially since I don't have any connection to it. I grew up with the church trying to "fix" me for being myself and for some reason, she insists to purposefully make me uncomfortable with her own beliefs.

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Respectfully, I told her to stop sending me religiously themed stuff because it makes me very uncomfortable. She then replied to told me to stop being close minded. In response, I repeated myself and told her that I told her to stop for a reason. I also told her that I'm not arguing or further discussing the boundary that I'm putting in place in correlation to something that's traumatizing to me. I also let her know that was disrespecting both my words and my boundaries. If anything, she would've just made herself look bad for continuing to force her ideas onto me when I directly stated my discomfort and limits. She likes to tell everyone in the family about the arguments we get into and she enjoys playing the victim whenever I appropriately retaliate to disregard for me and my feelings.

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I've screenshotted the texts in order to document them to my therapist so she can see the sort of behavior I deal with on a daily basis. She claims me setting boundaries and expressing my discomfort is "disrespect" and claims it's her duty to spread the word. She also has a man she's seeing and she boasts about how she's telling him his own personal beliefs are wrong because he isn't Christian and she believes Christianity is the only religion that should exist.

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I don't know what to do about her religious extremism and blatant regard for me as a person... She doesn't care about me or my boundaries and lashes out at me whenever I honor my feelings and don't allow her to do whatever she wants to me. She praises me and tells me she loves me when I'm compliant and give her what she wants. How do I tell her that she's holding me emotionally hostage and mistreating me in the process of this all?

TL;DR - Mom used her religion as a way to be degrading towards me and my current situation with delays in the college process and lack of job opportunities/call backs. I told her not to send me religiously themed content since religion has traumatized me in the past and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. In reaction to me setting the boundary with her, she got very angry with me, claimed I was passing my place and that it was her duty, and threatened me with homelessness over the phone. I screenshotted the texts to document them for my therapist and I'm not sure what to do with my mother. How do I tell her that she's displaying narcissistic tendencies and mistreating me in the process?

Submitted April 19, 2021 at 10:13PM by ThrowRA846321 https://ift.tt/3n0SxAO