My husband and I have been married for almost fifteen years and prior to that dated on and off since we were teenagers. It hasn't been a smooth road, but I thought we had worked through a lot of our issues. The issues mainly stemmed from our going through a period of him feeling like I didn't desire him because I lacked a sex drive due to depression and extreme stress. I got on antidepressants and got physically active and we've had regular sex.
Recently, he's found an online community he really thrives in. I was happy for him as he tends to isolate and doesn't have a lot of friends. I was aware that one of the themes of this community is that they have a "pool party" and there is some minor flirtation and role play in a group setting. I thought that was harmless and and all in good fun and I told him I was okay with that as long as it didn't cross into real life.
Two nights ago, he asked me for an open marriage and said if he met some of these people in real life, he wouldn't be able to control himself. It would just be sex for him, no emotion, but there is a need in him that I cannot fulfill. He has some fetishes he is not willing to disclose to me that these people may act out with him. He told me one girl, in particular, was going on a road trip and would be crossing through our state. They've been talking about two weeks. She's sent him topless photos and they've obviously had explicit conversations. He said it was only after she said she'd be in our state that he started to feel bad about what he was doing because it had the potential to be real and had to tell me. He said he doesn't consider what he has done to be cheating in talking sexually and receiving photos from these girls because it is all just fantasy with people thousands of miles away.
My mind is just fucked and apart of me does feel that is cheating.
Ultimately, he said if I do not grant him the open marriage, he will just suppress this need but apart of him will always be empty. He said I was his soul mate, he wants to grow old with me, and he is devoted to me, but just wants me to consider this.
If I don't grant it, how do I trust? Will he resent me?
Last night I told him the way I see it is we either get a divorce or we have the open marriage....neither option I want.
My mind if a fog and I really just need some advice.
tl;dr: My husband wants to have an open marriage to act out sexual kinks with other people and I'm hurt, confused, and need help.
Submitted April 01, 2021 at 09:20PM by FancyDifficulty https://ift.tt/39yID3O
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