My wife and I will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary soon. We are in a committed relationship and divorce is not on the table. There is no indication of infidelity from her, and I have been 100% faithful throughout our relationship. We have two beautiful daughters (12,6) and strong religious beliefs.
My wife comes from a family of unhealthy people who die in their 50-60s. My family is pretty healthy and have 80-90 yr life expectancies. I am military and keep myself in shape as an occupational necessity. I feel like she has completely let herself go. She is overweight, gaining weight, on several medications, and puts no effort into even looking nice. She constantly complains about being tired and takes 3-4 hour naps daily.
While it seems obvious what the problem is (She has no energy because she doesn't take care of herself), she is also extremely unapproachable and oversensitive to criticism. Early on in our relationship, she established a boundary that she would refuse to take even constructive criticism and would react extremely negatively even when approached with love. She grew up in a very negative household and uses this as an excuse. Additionally, she is a Highly Sensitive Person (has Sensory Processing Sensitivity), so feels emotions more intensely than typical people.
I have felt like a caretaker for many years. I love her and she loves me, but I have a hard time maintaining respect for her because of the constant criticism, self-righteous attitude, constant complaining, and total refusal to do anything about it.
I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to behave to get through to her, as talking to her is counter-productive. I don't want to put a wall up, though it is hard not to sometimes. Couples therapy didn't help when we tried it a long time ago (You two need to communicate with each other)<No kidding doc, if we could do that we wouldn't be here>.
tl;dr: Seeking advice on how to act around my wife to demonstrate my frustration because talking is counterproductive.
Submitted April 24, 2021 at 01:01PM by Flat-Case-9407 https://ift.tt/3gAJ8Pc
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