throwaway
TL:DR Boyfriend (38M) of 2 years didn’t want to celebrate my (31F) birthday and got mad at me for being sad about it. He moved out of my house, claims he still wants to be with me but is making zero effort.
Alright. A “quick” summary of some of the bad things in the relationship (2+ years):
We moved in together fast. He called me the love of his life, mother of his future children etc. Then, a few months into the relationship he tried hooking up with other women whenever I was abroad. I didn’t find out until much later. His response: “Things weren’t serious between us back then. I can’t believe I’m being punished for this now.”
He has a weird sleepcycle that dominates the way we live. Usually sleeps during the day, up all night. He gets very annoyed if an electrician or plumber has to come over. I can’t have guests over. He’s never shown any interest whatsoever in meeting my friends. Still hasn’t met my father (who lives nearby) after 2 years. I’ve been way to accommodating to him. I was always afraid to ask too much from him. And stopped inviting him to family gatherings etc. Social interaction is difficult for him. He’s used to interacting with people under the influence of alcohol but doesn’t want that anymore.
Sidenote: My mother and sister live in the same building but in different apartments. I totally get how that made him feel uncomfortable and made him want to hide himself away.
No relationship comes without fights and incidents, but he was always so fiery that I usually start doubting myself and my sense of reality. He screams, literally, from the top of his lungs. He walks away when he’s done talking and only comes back to scream some more. It’s nearly impossible for me to get a full sentence in between. One time I got so frustrated myself I threw a frying pan to the floor (was a first for me). Now I’m the toxic one. He claims I screamed “look what you made me do”, which I really don’t recall saying. It actually happens a lot that we seem to have a different recollection of what went down or what someone said. Anyway, I try really hard to have calm conversations and get to the root of the problem but it seems impossible.
Now, the final straw: my birthday. He forgot it, which is not a big deal (and yes there were plenty of reminders beforehand). But when I (carefully) asked him if he would join me and my friends outside (ice-skating) so he could get to know them, he declined. He was stressed out over his stock market share. Later that evening I asked him to join me, my mother and sister for dinner. He already ate. He didn’t want to come for 30min for a cup of tea either because he wanted to go to bed. The next morning I was crying. That pissed him off. “Really? Things didn’t go perfect for you?” He was upset because I pressured him too much into being social and I should have more understanding of how important the stock market is to him since his entire future depends on it (he sold his house a year back, which I told him not to do, and invested the money). That’s when I broke things off. He moved out. I wrote him a letter, but to my surprise, he reacted quite well. He said he understood where I was coming from and things would go better between us once he has his own place. We met up to talk things over, but once again that was a one-sided conversation.
How it’s going:
He’s staying at his father's who is very ill. So due to corona I can’t see him. We haven’t seen each other for 1,5 months and barely speak. And apparently, he’s still very mad that I “kicked him out of the house”. He needs this time apart to get over his anger.
So yeah, pretty terrible, right? I know. But for some strange reason
I KEEP. HOPING. HE. IS. GOING. TO. CHANGE. I keep wondering if it’s all just miscommunication.
Why on earth am I not falling out of love with this man?
Submitted April 24, 2021 at 02:23PM by tuuttuuttuut https://ift.tt/3xfAxaC
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