I (32 f) have been married to him (38 m) for almost 7 years. We have 1 child together and he is a stepdad to my older 2 from a previous marriage.
I knew he was an alcoholic before I married him, but I didn't know just how much damage it would cause. He comes home from work drunk almost every evening. On the nights he doesn't come home already plastered, he goes straight for his gin or whiskey. But he's a good man and a good father....is the lie I've been telling myself for years.
He calls me horrible names. Flips me off. Tries to make me feel worthless. All in front of the kids. Now, this only happens on nights when he's had waaaay to much to drink. On the nights that he maybe just has a glass of wine or some Trulys, we have great conversations and he plays with the kids and everyone is happy. The typical "the good times outweigh the bad" mindset, I suppose.
But then I start finding condom wrappers in both his car and mine. The first one I found was probably 3 or 4 years ago. I forgave him. Then it just kept happening. He would explain that he was out of his mind plastered and he's really sorry and he loves us and please please please I'll never do it again.
About a year ago, he stumbled into the house, absolutely shitfaced, with his pants hanging off of him. I quickly guided him upstairs to lie down before the kids saw how drunk he was. On my way back downstairs, I noticed he'd left the front door wide open. I start going down the steps (split level house) to close it and there's a FULL, USED CONDOM, just sitting there. I quickly threw it away and went upstairs to confront him. I can't even describe how I felt. He was already passed tf out.
We finally talked later that evening and he sheepishly apologized and promised to seek help. He said he only goes "downtown" (for sex workers) when he's had too much to drink. I didn't think he'd actually do it, but he called a psychiatrist and started meds for alcohol dependence and anxiety, and he appeared to really be improving. .. He wasn't drinking as much, and when he was, it wasn't hard liquor. I was so on board with this man that I love. We're all humans and we all mess up, alcoholism is a disease, positivity, healing, growth....well he shattered that last night. He came home drunk again. He seemed pretty chill though, so I thought it would would a good time to bring up something important that's been on my mind for awhile.
I'm a SAHM. Have been since we had our son almost 6 years ago. He's in the trades and makes good money, and I wanted to breastfeed and stay at home till he started Kindergarten. We agreed this was the best plan of action to give our son the best opportunities possible. So, I haven't worked in almost 6 years. I did some Doordash and Instacart type stuff here and there, but I haven't "worked" in 6 years.
Ok, so what I brought up to him last night is that "hey, now that our son is in school, I was thinking it'd be a really good time for me to take some classes. Maybe go for medical billing and coding. What do you think?"
He. Lost. His. SHIT. Talking about "I've supported your ass for 6 years!" "I told you to take classes 5 years ago!" (He did...wasn't an option financially or timewise) And my favorite "You're a fucking idiot!!" Among several other glamorous names.
I texted him shortly before his shift was supposed to end asking him to please come home sober for the kids sakes. He showed up slobbering drunk, and with the same energy as last night. I packed him a bag and told him to gtfo. I'm done, my kids are done, it's fucking over. No one deserves to be treated like this. And my kids deserve so much better.
I'm fucking terrified. I have no money and no job. I have a car that's not paid off yet, and he will surely cut off payments. I have to figure something out fast. But at the same time I am relieved, and my 12 yr old son told me that he is too. I can't believe I let this go on for so long. I DO feel like a fucking idiot. But I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders. He pulled $300 out of the bank and shut his phone off, so I'm pretty sure he found a lady to sleep with tonight. I don't even care. Bye, loser! You chose booze and prostitutes over your family. I hope that works out for you 🙄
I realize a lot of this is rambling and I'm sorry. I'm a total mess right now. If you read this far, you're a Saint. Any advice or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. I'm about to start a scary new journey. If you want clarification for any of my rambling thoughts, just ask lol.
TL;DR I kicked out my alcoholic, verbally abusive, cheating husband after 7 years of marriage and I don't know what to do next.
Submitted April 21, 2021 at 05:22PM by super_sad_throwaway https://ift.tt/3v9AZoZ
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