How do I(28f) get my sisters (36f, 27f) from being very overbearing and to back off without ruining my relationship with them?

The names have been changed just in case they have reddit. Also this is very long winded. I'm sorry.

I have 2 sisters, an older one Amber (36f), me (28f), and younger sister June (27f). Amber and June live across the country. I guess where to start is our mom passed away when we were young. June and I were under 10, Amber was in her teens. While our dad did what he could when it came to raising us (June and I) he relied on Amber's input for what she might think was best.

Amber became like a mother figure to us. Making sure we knew she loved us and that we were loved in general and trying to be a great example for us. We looked up heavily to her (our dad isn't Amber's dad but he raised her and considers her his daughter). Anyways, I had really bad depression and wasn't in the right state of mind a lot bc of it. Amber said I need to listen to her and do what she says and I'll be okay. So I listened to her and did what she said, however my depression got the best of me and it came to a head when I was 18. I personally wasn't thinking my life would be great nor would I amount to anything but when I was 19, I ended up falling pregnant.

Amber wanted me to get my crap together for the unborn child, I had dropped out of HS, and get my own place. If I didn't get my crap together then she (Amber) would take the baby for a little bit while I did. At first it was 3 months, then 6, then a year, then she said something along the lines of "at this rate you'll never get the baby back" which turned me off. Meanwhile, I was working my butt off and saving all my money and ended up getting a 1 bedroom apartment a month before my due date. I gave birth to a girl who we can call Olive (currently 8f). June and Amber got really attached to Olive and helped out when needed.

Olives dad and I were together but broke up bc he didn't want to help out a lot. He isn't in the picture currently.

Anyways, when Olive was born, Amber started threatening me with DCF, saying that they were going to come and take her away because I was getting foodstamps. Then said that Olive should have her own room and I wasn't doing my job as her mom right. And when Olive was 9 months old I met my current partner Charlie (34m). We moved in together kinda quickly and had a really rocky start but it was still a 1 bedroom. The place was set up enough that we had space, Olive was still in her crib and we had some money left over. My sisters didn't and don't like Charlie, Charlie doesn't like my sisters.

I got a lot more threats from my sisters, every time something went wrong Amber was the first one to demand I give her Olive, saying Olive would be better off with her then me. Yelled at me when I said that Olive(2 at the time) couldn't fly to another state. Threatened to fight me in front of our family to which I was blamed for. A few years ago jt got really bad when I left the state for another in an attempt to leave Charlie, mostly being rushed to do it by Amber. While trying to come home, Amber and June started attacking me and said a bunch of things that weren't true to our dad and attacked Charlie verbally when I said we were going to try again. All in an attempt to isolate me into staying where I was. Amber also texted me from a different number pretending to be Charlie's girlfriend saying really crude and rasict things to me. (We are Hispanic and Charlie is white.) Before coming back home Amber demanded again that I give her Olive bc I don't know what I am doing and called me names and said our mom would be disgusted in the person I am and the mother I am.

At that point I blocked and stopped all communication with both June and Amber. But per my dads request I unblocked them but didn't reach out. Olive, on her own accord, decided not to speak to my sisters bc they were treating me badly. They both ended up reaching out, Amber with an "apology" that wasn't one. June actually apologizing.

Fast forward to now, I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd child, Charlie and I own our home, and Olive knows Charlie as her father.

Now the major issues are both Amber and June have bullied me to getting what they want with Olive, seeing her when they demand it, dressing her like a doll, fighting with me when I attempt to parent her or inform them they aren't her parents. When they couldn't bully me, they would drag my dad into it or bully Olive behind my back.

Charlie and my sisters still hate each other, they said Charlie didn't need to be around and that they are the parents. Told Olive that she can call them dad or daddy-June/Amber, have bashed Charlie in front of Olive and have said Charlie's family isn't Olives family (they love her and have always been super helpful and accepting towards her) when Charlie and I couldn't decide on the name for the new baby, they (June and Amber) lashed out at me and said he doesn't have a choice and it's my decision on the name. June said she wants nothing to do with the new baby bc she can't love the new one hard like she can with Olive, with barely any restrictions, and that even if Olive is on punishment, I need to allow Olive the things I took from her to speak to her aunts bc June doesn't want to talk to me. June has a tattoo of Olive's face. June is also saying I am being nasty by limiting both her ND Amber's access to Olive, that I will poison the new baby against them and that the things they have done for Olive, I wouldn't do for their kids (plan birthday parties, vactions). Amber and June have no kids.

Currently I am not speaking to June, I am speaking to Amber. Both my dad and Amber want June and I to try and mend things over.

My therapist says I need boundaries and bc I don't like fighting I can do it slowly so that they don't notice all the way. But at some point I will have to be blunt with them. Both Amber and June will be in the state next week at my dads house and want June and I to talk it out. I love my sisters, I think mostly bc I was raised to love them regardless of how they treat me. For my own mental health, I can't let it go back to what it was, and for Olive's sake I can't either. I'm not 100% sure on what to do.

I left a lot out to try and make this short but the back story was needed to make sense. If anything needs clarification I can do that. I'm sorry it's so long, I'm also on mobile and thank you for reading all this.

TL;DR: my sisters have bullied me into doing whatever they want with my daughter. If they couldn't bully me, they went after our dad, then on to my daughter behind my back. They don't hate my partner who I am having another child with. How do I keep them from continuing to be overbearing and to back off while keeping a relationship with them?

Submitted April 22, 2021 at 03:11PM by hiraethelwes https://ift.tt/2PcneXi