So, for context, I've been in a handful of unstable/toxic relationships in my past that I recognize have impacted the way I perceive things around me -- especially in my relationships with SOs. Because cheating/lying/manipulation is something that I had come to expect out of a relationship my radar for suspicious shit is very sensitive.
I've been dating my current boyfriend for a year now, he's an amazing person that treats me so well, I love him dearly and I love our relationship. Since the majority of our relationship has taken place during the pandemic, meeting each other's friends and family has taken a long time/been pretty difficult.
Recently, he's gotten the chance to meet a handful of my friends over zoom/in small settings. He gets along with all of them great, and they all really like him since he's such an awesome guy and they see how happy he makes me. A really good friend of mine moved pretty close to me, and I see her a lot more now that the distance isn't a factor. A few months ago I was able to introduce her to my boyfriend and, obviously, they got along great because they have tons in common! Which was awesome for me! Until it wasn't!
The last time I hung out with said friend, my boyfriend came along with me to her apartment for some dinner. The night was going well, we were getting high and shooting the shit -- good times were being had all around. The next thing I know I'm sitting on her couch, absolutely fried, listening to her take some pretty nasty backhanded jabs at me while talking to my boyfriend. My boyfriend mentioned that because my job is so strenuous/takes up a lot of my day that I'm usually too exhausted to do anything other than relax when I'm off a shift. My friend starts mentioning how much she likes to cook/clean/plan adventures, and how she would do that if she had a partner now -- even though her job is more demanding than mine. She says she hates being lazy and loves taking care of her SO.
This totally hurt my feelings and I completely froze. I shut down so I wouldn't burst into tears in front of them. All of the jokes she made earlier about me being stupid because I couldn't remember something, how bad my cooking was, or commenting on how I was distracted/scatterbrained seemed a lot more mean to me in that moment.
I choked my feelings down, and the night rolled along as they both kept chatting/sharing things they had in common. At the end of the night we were getting ready to go when my friend stopped to talk to my boyfriend in front of her door. I finished grabbing my things and stood by the door to watch them have a solid 15-minute discussion about things they both enjoyed. I left feeling like absolute crap.
I took the rest of that night to process before talking to my boyfriend about how that whole evening had me feeling super down and inadequate, he was kind and helped me get back to a place where I felt better, but didn't validate that anything my friend said to me was shitty.
It feels embarrassing to write this, but I think my friend might want to consciously/unconsciously get in with my boyfriend. She's always talking about how great he is, and she tells me to invite him to everything we do together now. I thought it was all platonic until she went on the offense with me last time. I hate even entertaining the idea that she's the type of person to try and take someone's SO, but she's expressed previously that she likes a good chase when it comes to relationships, and she's looking for someone new in her life -- which raises some red flags for me.
I trust my boyfriend completely, even if she was trying to get him I know he wouldn't do something like that to me. However, my boyfriend really likes her and thinks she's super cool -- so I'm hesitant to talk about my worries with him because I don't want to change his opinion of her/embarrass myself if it's not actually worth making a big deal over. (Or, in a worst-case-scenario, bringing it up and him taking her side because I misinterpreted everything).
I'm really torn up about what to do/not to do because, objectively, the whole thing bothers me. Do I confront her about it? Do I talk to my boyfriend about it? Do I let it slide and just observe what happens the next time we all hang out (which is imminent)? If any of you have any experience with a friend that's been a little too nice to your SO, please please please let me know what your situation looked like/what happened afterward. If you took the time to read all of that -- thank you, sincerely.
Wishing all of you health, wealth and happiness.
TL;DR -- A good friend of mine likes my SO a lot, and it has me thinking she wants to shoot her shot with him. What should I do?
Submitted February 12, 2021 at 05:11PM by dicksuckington https://ift.tt/3dbR4Fc
No comments:
Post a Comment