Me (22F) and my boyfriend (23M) of 4.4 years (of which 3.4 we live together) have sex once every one or two months and I want more intimacy. I have found this being an issue already from the start of our relationship (we started having sex after 6 months of dating). We both are the first sexual partners for each other, therefore, we have not had any experience before. We have had other relationships though.
It is extremely strange to me that we do not have sex on regular basis and it is exhausting to be the initiator most of the times. I do not feel wanted and attractive intimately and it has led me to a low self-esteem. We have had many discussions about this issue, especially at the beginning of our relationship, and I have explained to him why it is so hurtful to me that he is not passionate. He tells me that he just does not want or is too tired, but finds me attractive anyways.
He masturbates multiple times a week, as he has told me (which I am okay with, since I masturbate myself almost every day) and rarely asks me to help him out. If he does, I am totally cool about it. We have tried a lot of role plays and other toys, I have tried a lot of sexy lingerie in which I feel extremely attractive myself, but everything seems awkward and just not passionate, so I do not really try anymore. And I am not being pushy about this issue towards him (I perhaps used to 2 years ago, but I realized my mistake) or put pressure on him, but it does feel hurtful to me and I am trying to deal with it by myself and have not mentioned it to him for a long time. It bothers me a lot on daily bases though.
I do not think I am unattractive (I also would not say I am super attractive) and do take care of myself, which my boyfriend has pointed out as a good thing many times himself. We both go to gym regularly and eat healthy. The only thing I can imagine being wrong is my skin issue on my whole body, and, honestly, it is something I have been afraid to ask him about, because it is a big insecurity of mine and also what has stopped me of being intimate during my previous relationships. Although, whenever I have asked him if there is something that bothers him, he has never mentioned my skin condition or anything else (perhaps trying not to be mean?). I do have a low self-confidence which I have dealt with even before we met, but I try not to show it during sex. Another point to mention is that when we do have sex, my boyfriend finishes early and for me it is harder to finish, because I feel him not being passionate, although he seems to be trying. Anyways, it is not the issue, since I just want to feel needed. Other than our intimate life, my boyfriend is a really affectionate partner, cuddles me all the time and I feel extremely loved, but I also want to feel sexy and attractive.
At this point I just want to know others opinion on this matter and if there is more I can try or I just should deal with it. I for sure do not plan to break up with him because of this intimacy issue, because I generally feel really happy in my relationship, but I just feel like we are too young for having this issue and it seems weird to me that I have to seek for sexual attention somewhere else.
**TL;DR;** : Me (22F) and my boyfriend (23M) have sex once every one or two months and I want more. My boyfriend not wanting me sexually lowers my self-esteem and makes me feel unattractive. Seems like I cannot find what the issue is and how to live with this situation, please help.
Submitted October 24, 2020 at 03:18PM by whatisgoingon493 https://ift.tt/3dWJNYc
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