I know my (25F) BF (28M) is secretly obsessed with someone we both know and it bothers me so much, but I don’t know how to bring it up

We have been together for 3 years and we recently moved in together. Every aspect of our relationship has been great, but something has been coming up that has always bothered me and I do not know how to approach it. I think I’m reaching my breaking point.

So it all started when we were both drunk and after a night of going out, we were making some food. He then starts talking about this girl we both know and how she broke off her engagement. He then says how amazing she is and how the guy never deserved her. I shrugged it off at first thinking, that’s a little aggressive, but ok. More instances like this when we’re drunk happens when he would casually mention her and I start feeling annoyed. One that really stuck to me was after a concert and he got really drunk and again, talked about her but this time, he kept going on and on and even said “I mean LOOK AT HER”. I was pretty sober at the time because I knew I had to take care of him and I was so disturbed. I really wanted to bring it up then, but knew it wasnt a good time since he was so drunk. I couldnt muster up courage the next day either.

Sometimes, he would even mention her on normal conversations and one time pointed out a girl that looked like her “but less attractive”. I also found out that he actively looks up her name on IG. He was trying to show me something he had to search for and when he pulled up the search bar, her name came up in the history. He quickly withdrew his phone, but I pretended I didn’t see it. I know it sounds like I’m snooping, but I’m not. I’m really trying to shrug it off since it is something that’s really unlike him, but I can’t help it.

These instances happened throughout the year or so that I’ve noticed since he first mentioned her breaking off her engagement. But this morning hit me more than usual and I think I’m at my breaking point. He was really grumpy waking up and he had asked me to wake him up at a certain time and I tried my best to wake him up as nicely and peacefully as I can. We eventually get out of bed and barely spoke but as soon as he did he started singing a song with her name on it. This isnt the first time this has happened either, meaning he would sing songs with her name on it and sing the parts with her name on it over and over again. It caught me off guard and I asked him why he was singing that song and he just said, “hmm I don’t really know”.

I know I’m not overreacting and this is something that I want to bring up, but I just really don’t know how to approach it. I’ve shrugged it off too many times and it has happened way too many times for me to just ignore it. What is the best way to approach this without being too aggressive?

TL;DR! My bf is obsessed with a girl we both know and I do not know how to bring up the fact that it bothers me a lot since he has been kind of “subtle” (not really) about it.

Submitted April 03, 2020 at 12:50PM by maryantoinnette https://ift.tt/3dS55p8