My(25F) workmate(45F) has been buying me small gifts and doing favours that I don't want. How can I tactfully ask her to stop?

I get on well with this colleague but I’ve realised that a few of her habits have been making me uncomfortable for a while. She buys me things a few times a week (Knick-knacks, chocolate etc), offers me rides to and from work and tries to help me with tasks at work.

In the last few months, I have started to avoid mentioning anything that I like in case she buys it for me and am now very careful not to complain about anything I do at work in case she takes that to mean I’m struggling. She doesn’t do this to anyone else in the office.

More details:

I don't enjoy receiving gifts at the best of times but when they are things I don't like or want, I feel even more awkward. I’m trying to be very conscious of everything I buy, I aim for ethical clothing, fairtrade and local food, and minimal possession. I also like to keep a very clear boundary between my work life and my personal life. I've only been at this job a little over a year and the gift-giving and offering to drive me places has been escalating since it started a few months ago.

I walk to and from work daily as I live in an apartment 20 minutes walk from everything I need and have gotten rid of my car. She likes to offer me rides on her way to work or when we both leave. I accepted a few times while the weather was really bad and now she seems upset when I decline. I'm trying to look after my health so I struggle with having access to sweets regularly and feeling guilty for choosing to walk to work.

We are both in the same department at work but our required tasks are different and clearly defined. Even so, she will stop what she’s doing and start working on one of my tasks to “help me get it done” she will do so without saying anything about it and then I have a moment of anxiety wondering where the heck half of the reports I just ran went.

I suspect my workmate may view gifts as the best or only way to show affection. I know that she doesn’t have many friends outside of work, she just has her husband and 2 dogs at home and her family are back home in the UK. I get the feeling that in her mind I’ve become her surrogate best friend/daughter she never had.

I appreciate the sentiment behind all of these gestures but I need them to stop. She’s a very gentle soul and I’m not a very tactful person so I’d like help with the best way to approach this.

TL;DR: My workmate’s kind gestures conflict with my values and makes me feel smothered. What’s the most tactful way to get her to stop?

EDIT to add: When I declined her gifts at the start, she then took to placing things in my desk drawers for me to find later.

Submitted January 24, 2020 at 09:37PM by HeyGorillaArms https://ift.tt/2ROqoOm