I gave my (F29) boyfriend (M38) an ultimatum for not moving in with me. Am I wrong?

I’m dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 7 months,

I am originally from South America and met my boyfriend when I was finishing my PhD. I originally wanted to go back but decided to stay in Europe because I though the relationship had a potential.

Last year I got offered a postdoc position at a leading institution, with a very good salary. I moved 500 km away (same country) and we agreed that in December, after he had finished his PhD, he would move in with me.

Fast forward to today: He has not finished his PhD yet, which he is doing for 10 years. Most likely he will hand in his thesis in February, and after that he will be unemployed.

There is no chance of him getting a new contract. In the country we live, we need to tell the landlord 3 months in advance before moving.

I told him he has to give the landlord a notice, and start to plan how to move here in beginning of May. He is a computer scientist and I live in a booming area for the IT sector. He can find a good job in one week. I also said I support him financially until he finds a job he likes. Money would not be a problem because he will still be getting 1600 euros of unemployment money and I can pay for rent and utilities.

Still, he can’t make a decision. I don’t want a long distance relationship and the past 6 months were pretty hard on me, because besides being without a family, friends, there is no perspective that my partner will move close to me.

I gave him an ultimatum: either you make plans to move in here in May or we break up. He thinks it is too harsh, but I know that if he can, he will postpone all decisions.

I understand ultimatums are terrible, but I can’t keep putting my life on hold on the expectation he will one day come. He already said he would never move to my home country and, even though I don’t want it right now, I think it is an unfair, because I am willing to sacrifice being away from everything I know but he can’t move inside his own country.

Am I the wrong one here? Tl;dr: we are dating for 1,7 years.I moved within the same country for a good job. He is a computer scientist and will soon be unemployed and has to look for job. I live in a place that is good for his field, better than the one he is currently. I gave him an ultimatum: if he doesn’t move in with me within the next 4 months, we will break up

Submitted January 27, 2020 at 08:17AM by Worried_Goat https://ift.tt/36yqjDR