I (f25) am having a really hard time trusting bf(27) after how he dealt with someone coming on to him and it's causing major problems

Tldr; girl at bfs work asked him to have sex, knowing that he was in a relationship, and he still pursued a friendship with her and got her number. I'm having a really hard time trusting him now after that happened. He thinks I'm being unfair or insecure, and I feel so conflicted and stumped.

Admittedly, I have trust issues that I try hard to ignore. It's nice when I have a relationship that supports this and gives me nothing to worry about, but I understand that things can't always be totally sterile in regard to other people trying to interfere. However I do expect my s/o to act appropriately when these things do happen.

My boyfriend was working away from home the summer, and this girl joined the work force a couple of weeks before his time there was over. She had just gotten out of a relationship and was kind of sowing her oats with some people at bf's work. He told me this because I worked there for a bit too and she hooked up with one of the guys there I knew who had a wife an children. I was like ok, that's really shady and not cool. I wasn't totally comfortable with him kind of getting chummy with her because of her reputation, but I left it alone and tried to trust.

When he was done working there, I noticed he was getting texts from her, and they were messaging back and forth regularly for over a week. It made me feel kind of weird, and I told him this, but he didn't let up, which was kind of hurtful but... whatever that's his choice he hasn't really violated anything I guess? And I didn't want to fight. It wasnt until he confessed, after I asked, that she had propositioned him sexually while he was working there that I was like "hell no". He says he turned her down but he got her number anyway...

Maybe I live in a fantasy world or something, but I was kind of under the impression that he wasn't the kind of person to pursue friendships with girls who have openly expressed wanting to fuck him. She disrespected our relationship, and I thought that alone would dissuade any kind of relationship with her. He stopped talking to her begrudgingly after I told him how this makes me feel, but I can't believe I had to express that to him in the first place.

I can't shake that occurance though. It's like it burst open my perception of what kind of guy he is. Now, being kind of jaded from past relationships- being cheated on emotionally and physically- I can't drop it. Now any time I see him messaging girls and it gets a little overly friendly (like lots of compliments or being a support for girls having issues with bfs) I just can't keep from feeling he has alternate motives. I can't stand this feeling, and he thinks I am being unfair in feeling uncomfortable with so many things. But what happened left a really bad taste in my mouth, and I can't get it out. We didn't work through it very well. I honestly have no idea how to. He thinks I'm just being overly insecure and need to let him be "free to prove himself", but I've been there and done that and it's just tortures my brain sometimes and we've been fighting much more because of me.

I love him, but I'm so annoyed. Why can't I try to establish boundaries with guys w/o getting made out to be some insecure witch? It only exasperates my trust issues. I feel guilt and growing resentment/anger and shame all at once when I think about this issue in our relationship. Every time I feel as though it's a deal breaker and talk to him about it, he makes me feel ridiculous for feeling this way. I know I'm being a little much after that happened, but I can't help it. Anyone else been through this? What did/ would you do? Is there a way we can salvage? I've never been the best at expressing myself verbally with s/o's (and pretty much everyone) though I try, and I get confused very easily in the heat of things.

Ps. Apologies for shitty format, didn't intend to ramble on so much as well, but I feel it's all kind of relevant. Made a secondary account for privacy reasons. Thanks

Submitted January 21, 2020 at 12:09PM by angelicpickle https://ift.tt/2RDtDb9