Anyone else get really confused after fights with your SO? 38F with 40M, feeling alone and confused in my marriage

My SO and I have been together for 15 years, so most of our adult lives really.

We have two small kids and I am currently a sahm. Our second was a bit of a surprise and I was keen to go back to work before I knew I was pregnant again. To be completly honest, I was one and done but my husband convinced me he would support me emotionally if we went through with it.

Now that baby is almost one and I have been struggling with small kids with no external support. From the moment I wake up to the moment I close my eyes (with at least two night wakeups!) I am looking after my kids.

I love them and have no problem doing that, but it is tiring and I miss adult interaction blah blah. All of this is not ideal but it is ok.

The issue is my husband has in the last year taken on more responsibility in his job and when he gets stressed with work (which is most days) he is quite short with me and has no time any meaningful discussion. He has clients pestering him to meet deadlines constantly. After dinner he usually plays games on his ipad until he goes to bed.

Last week I mentioned that I was feeling overwhelemd after the holiday break as all our activities are paused for the holidays and the weather has been too bad to go outside half the time. (so the kids and I have been going stir crazy). There has also been some pretty worrying politocal developments in my country (Australia) which have beeb causing me a bit of anxiety.

I mentioned this sense of anxiety and being overwhelmed to him last week one night and he ignored me. I was hurt but didnt push it. Then on the weekend we were out with friends and the kids were being difficult. I was busy wrangling them while he socialised. When it was getting close to dinner time I tried to ask if we could feed them out so I didn't have to cook and clean the kitchen again when we got home and just put them straight to bed instead. He turned his back against me when I asked that so all I could see was his shoulder and said we had stuff in the fridge we could give them when we got home. I repeated my request and said it would mean a lot to me not to have clean up and he seemed to not even try to understand how that would help me.

I actually started crying and had to leave the table because I didnt want the kids to see me upset.

He ended up dropping a friend home and I asked to be dropped off first becuase I felt lile I was about to have a panic attack. I had just got the kids dinner ready for them when they got back from dropping our friend off when he sent a text sayong he would feed them and give them a bath at our friends house.

Yedterday I was still feeling pretty sad so I kept my distance from him (as an act of self preservation). This morning I did the same. It must have been been getting to him because he asked when I was going to talk to him again. I said I was waiting for some acknowledgement that I had asked for some emotional support from him and he said that I was just tired.

He does no work on our relationship, there is no self relection from his side and it is difficult to make.plans for next week with him, let alone plans for any point in the future (a holiday, a plan for my eventual return to work, choosing kid's schools bc we can't afford to buy where we rent and kid #1 starts school next year). It is all so exhausting and I feel complelty alone and rudderless.

I am also feeling really confused as to how he can be like this. I literally said to him last week that sometimes I am scared I am going to hurt the baby becuase she is so hard and still won't nap alone and I can barely look after my older kid properly, let alone myself. Some days I don't even eat until SO comes home becuase she screams if I am not holding her and I just get so overwhelmed.

TD:LR SAHM needing and asking for a bit of extra kindness from SO and being ignored or told I am 'just tired'. I don't understand how someone can ask their spouse for emotional support and have that request ignored or minimised.

Submitted January 19, 2020 at 05:30PM by adaada123321 https://ift.tt/3anKA1Y