My dad didn’t think I was his kid growing up. I think it might be effecting my love life.

I (22F) chose really terrible romantic partners, so I’ve decided to help myself this new year.

I don’t really remember much of my childhood, so I asked my mom if there was anything significant that happened to me that may have had long term effects. I remember her being a great mom, and I remember us doing fun things, but I remember my parents fighting a lot, sometimes violently.

She told me after my older sister was born, she was the spitting image of my father. But after I was born, I looked nothing like him and he got it in his head that she had cheated on him and I wasn’t his. He got it so In his head there was no convincing him otherwise. He thought I was his friends kid actually. I’m not sure why he didn’t take a paternity test, she seems to think that it wasn’t an option in the 90s.

Well I guess he didn’t give me any attention and wouldn’t hold or touch me, at least for the first year of my life. She said that he didn’t start believing I was his until I was around 8. He was always there in my life I guess but maybe this is why i don’t remember him being present a lot, feeling loved by him.

This news has shocked me, because me and him actually have a pretty good relationship now. (They divorced over a decade ago, as expected), but I just can’t believe he thought I wasn’t his kid for so many years and I wonder if that correlates to issues I have now. I think that I always choose guys that are really emotionally unavailable, and that don’t treat me well. They are often uncaring, unkind, and I always blame it on myself for the way they act.

Do you think this has something to do with the way I felt as a kid? I’m not even sure if I was aware that he didn’t think I was his, or felt it. Do these things really effect the partners we chose? How do I know if I’m even still effected by this? Is there any reading or material that can help me figure all this out? I’m just trying not to suck so bad in my relationships.

TL/DR: I suck at relationships and I think it might be because my dad didn’t think I was his kid.

Submitted December 22, 2019 at 07:57AM by darkbluedarkbluedark https://ift.tt/2Skb8uq