This morning at work I got a call from my husband’s job. His supervisor left a message for me saying that my husband hasn’t been into work for the past three weeks and every time they try to contact him, they just get a reply saying, “Same.” They contacted me to see if he was coming back or okay; I was listed as his next of kin.
I called my husband and all he could do was say he’d fucked up and didn’t know what to say. He was crying on the phone and said he knows he fucked up. He’s been lying to me for weeks now, every morning, getting up and going to “work” then waiting for me to leave for work and going out around the city or coming back home…he even lied on the weekend and said he had a weekend shift, then lied and said he had the day off yesterday and stayed home.
When I finally got home this evening and confronted him about it, he fessed up to also having taken out a payday loan and a credit card to cover the bills while he hasn’t been receiving pay. He said he just didn’t want to go to the job anymore. He’s actually done this before, about two years ago, but to a lesser extent- he decided he didn’t want to stay at his job, then quit abruptly in the middle of the shift, and called me crying saying he quit. When that happened, I completely supported him leaving the job (there was a lot of drama there)…he ended up asking for the job back and then found a new job. The new job he lasted at for about 5 months before he was fired because he kept calling in sick.
Through all this stuff, I’ve tried to be supportive, to talk to him and ask him what he’s going through. I’ve never judged him or pointed a finger at him, I’ve always just told him it’s just a job and we can work it out. He went to therapy briefly and said he was feeling better. It’s not even the fact that he’s essentially lost another job that’s upsetting me…it’s the fact that he’s lied to my face every day for the past three weeks.
He said he hasn’t cheated on me at all, I looked through his phone and internet (with him there) and didn’t see anything, but I don’t know what to think or feel at this point anyway.
All of this has completely blind-sighted (edit: blindsided...sorry, I was really emotional when writing this). For the most part, we have had a healthy and loving relationship, but I don’t know how to recover from this, if I even should. I had trust issues when we first met, due to previous relationships, and I worked through them over the years. Now I can’t stop thinking that I’ll never be able to trust him or anyone again. On top of all this, I’ve also moved to his country and have lived here for him for the past years. He’s staying at his mother’s house while I sort through my feelings. I have no family here, just some semi-close friends.
I don’t know what to do. Is this salvageable? Should I even want it to be? I’ve loved him and the life we have together, but I also just don’t know how to move past something this bad. We've had some issues with our sex life, I seem to have a higher sex drive than he does, I'm also more social than he is and he has no friends and doesn't go out and do anything. Those things I've overlooked over the years because of the "love" we had, but is this the final straw?
I have a counsellor who I am going to speak with first thing Tuesday morning. I’ve told him he needs therapy too. Don’t know if couple’s counselling is worth it. I don’t know anything anymore.
TL;DR: My husband of 8 years has been lying to me for the past three weeks about going to work. I don't know if I should start thinking about divorce or try to work through things.
Edit: I just want to thank everyone for your input: helpful, redundant or critical of my typo ;) I am going to bed now but I'll check in later. I'm just going to do my best to take this all one day at a time.
Submitted November 14, 2019 at 12:42AM by patheticthrowaway247 https://ift.tt/2KiI4ig
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