Hello Reddit. I am in a happy approximately 8 month relationship with a wonderful woman I met through work. She is absolutely brilliant, very talented, funny, social, and gorgeous. She is very thoughtful and caring, which is new for me. She's my favorite person in the world and I feel like I won the lottery.
We were pretty close friends before we started dating - I resisted dating at first, because she was a coworker and I'd always been told dating at work is a bad idea. She told me that she's bisexual and used to date a MF couple, and they were very sexually adventurous. My sexual history is much more limited - a few one-night stands in college is about as wild as I ever got. That said, our sex life, as far as I can tell, has been fantastic. When we first started dating, she told me she would have a threesome again in the future if it was something I was interested in, but she wouldn't pressure me if it wasn't something I wanted. To be completely honest, it made me a little uncomfortable - mostly self-conscious about my inexperience, and worried that I might be too boring, but also because I have always been very monogamous and the idea of a threesome is very foreign to me. That said, I realize that my insecurities are my own problem, and I would never judge her for having different experiences or attitudes towards sex. She's never been anything but completely committed, open, and trustworthy to me.
Yesterday we were having a casual conversation, and she mentioned that her friend was hiring strippers for a bachelor party she was planning. She said that she would want strippers at her bachelorette party. I said something about how I don't like the idea, but it's a non issue right now since we're not in marriage territory yet. Well, that opened a can of worms and she suddenly asked me if I would ever let her bring another girl into the bedroom. It really threw me for a loop - maybe I'm naive, but I had never considered it in the context of our relationship before. I said I would need some time to process how I feel about it. I want her to be happy, and I always want to give her what she wants, but I also have to be fair to myself and what I'm comfortable with so I don't get hurt. She told me it isn't something she wants right now, just something she may want in the future, and that she thinks I would like it too. But she also told me that if the door was closed, she would be unhappy.
I have a few fears. I've thought about threesomes, just as a fantasy, but actually doing it in real life freaks me out. I'm not completely opposed to the idea, but I think it could only work if I could get 100% on board and get over my fears. First, I'm worried that I might get overwhelmed, or I might underperform and disappoint her. I'm worried about what happens if one of us gets jealous, or what happens if feelings develop for this theoretical third person. I love what we have now, and I don't want a three way relationship. Lastly, we are both professionals, and I'm worried about what would happen if someone at work found out and started gossiping, or if my family somehow found out.
Maybe the answer is to start by fantasizing together, or maybe watching some FFM videos, and move slowly in that direction. I think she's right that I could learn to enjoy it. But I'm terrified about what happens if I decide it's too far outside of my comfort zone, and she ends up resenting me or leaving me. Part of me feels that even if I can't get completely comfortable with it, I should trust her experience and try it so I'm not preventing her from doing something she really wants. I also know that most guys would jump at the idea without hesitation - why am I so reluctant? At the risk of invoking toxic masculinity, does that make me less manly or something? Am I being reasonable here?
I plan on talking to her more about this in person, because this conversation happened over text, but I want some outside perspectives as well. I'm posting here to protect our anonymity, because this doesn't seem like something I should ask our friends about.
TL;DR My girlfriend brought up the idea of an FFM threesome, which she has done before but I haven't. While it sounds like it could be fun in theory, and I'm not completely opposed to the idea, I am terrified about how it would actually play out in real life. What do I do?
Submitted September 05, 2019 at 09:58AM by RelAdvThrow333 https://ift.tt/2NVfjur
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