Edit number 2: Despite clarifying this HOURS ago, I'm still getting new comments complaining that I'm still friends with the friend in question. THAT IS NOT THE CASE. I never said anywhere that I was still friends with him, so the assumptions are mind boggling.
My wife and I have been together almost 8 years (we got together end of October 2011). Things were good for awhile until November of 2016, when she accused me of cheating (which I think is where a lot of our problems started). My reddit had been hacked by a friend, and was sending messages to people on Reddit looking to hook up. She didnt believe it wasn't me, but we got past it. Then a year later in November 2017, she found a text to a friend that seemed suggestive (it was 100% a joke, as this friend was male, and I'm straight). I had lost my job around the same time, so she assumed I was blowing off work to blow him, and she wanted a divorce, but we had to wait for money. So, we shared the same living space, but thats it. No hugging, no kissing, hardly any talking, she spent all her spare time in our bedroom. Things stayed that way for months, until she approached me saying shes decided to stay, but might still change her mind.
Since then, things have been more normal....but different. Sex used to be at least once a week, now it's once a month, maybe longer (we do have two kids, 3 and 6, so that doesn't help). She used to like cuddling on the couch watching tv, but now she's always on the other couch. We used to take showers together, but we haven't done that in ages. Now, most of those are minor, except for the sex but there's at least an excuse for that. But the biggest one is what's driving these feelings the most: so, she's into role playing. Not the sexy bedroom role playing, but her and someone else on a website like eliteskills or gaiaonline, and they create characters and "write stories" (lame description but I got the point across). Not too long after we started having issues, she picked up "rapid role playing", where instead of making a post and checking on it a few hours or days later, she uses Discord/Messenger/Kik, and the role playing happens like a normal conversation. The issue is, it's been all she does for months. We get up for work, she's role playing. She role plays at work. We get home from work, and before my shoes are off, she's on the couch role playing. She stares at her phone for literal hours on end, hardly replying with more than simple things like "mhmm", "yeah", "right", etc. Even if she suggests watching a movie or tv show, most of the time shes busy on her phone, not paying attention. The one day she was telling me about stuff, and she's talking about how she has 30 something characters she plays, with plans for more, which means shes always on Pinterest too now, looking for inspiration. She was showing me all her discord "servers" (I think), and each one was a different location for her and her friend to put their characters in.
I've talked to her about it, how I feel neglected, and she says she understands, and she'll do it less. And she does....for a day or so, and then it's back to the prior amount. She says we're fine, that we're in a much better place now, she loves me dearly, and she's forgiven me for cheating (yeah, she still doesn't believe I didn't do anything), but some days it hits her and she gets distant. But this is an everyday thing. Plus, her constant role playing means I'm left to do everything. I get the kids ready in the morning, I cook dinner, I load the dishwasher, I do wash, I bathe our kids, I clean. When I ask her to do stuff, she says she'll "do it soon", and then it never gets done.
I don't know what else to do. If she won't admit that she has a "problem", I can't see her agreeing to couples therapy or anything (she sees a therapist herself). Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she has a creative outlet, but it's getting out of hand. The one time I brought it up, she overreacted and said something like "apparently I can't even do stuff with my friends now because you need attention". I just don't know how to proceed. I don't want to make her stop outright, but I'd like my wife back.
Tl;Dr: My wife spends literally all her spare time role playing, neglecting me, the kids, and the house, and it's starting to get to me.
Edit: Since it's being called into question, i thought I'd clarify: I am absolutely not friends with the friend who sent those messages.
Submitted July 31, 2019 at 06:45PM by Sequesteredquestion https://ift.tt/330vjR0
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