My mom owes me over $3000 which she has accumulated since my midteens. I’m 19 now, I’ll be 20 in November. Ever since I started working a paid internship every summer since I was 15, my mom has asked me for money and promising she’ll pay me back. It started as little increments such as $20 for gas or $50 for groceries. I was happy to pay for this stuff in the beginning, because I grew up poor. Sometimes this meant going weeks or even months without electricity and/or gas (or clean running water for a few months one time!).
I still remember going to sleep in the dark and/or the freezing cold vowing that I would never let this happen to me when I was older. So, when my mom asked, I gave. I gave and I gave and I gave. But the amounts she asked for kept getting bigger. And I started to find it difficult to support myself on with my internship money AND lend money to her.
Fast forward to Summer 2017. I was working my internship during the day and waitressing on weekends. I was saving up for a car AND paying for driving school. But she asked, and I gave. I gave her money from my car fund. My plan was to buy a car August of that summer. I didn’t get the car until March of 2018. I took what I had and she paid for the rest of the car ($1200 for the car itself) plus the extra fees to get it on the road. I was extremely grateful.
Fast forward to last summer. My mom, two younger siblings and I were coming from my job, as my mom picked me up in my car (we’ll get to that later) that day. On our way to the movies, we were T-boned by a man (did I mention it was on my mom’s birthday?). The accident totaled my car. However, I got a check from my insurance company to replace the car. My mom asked to borrow it.
You see, a few months before. My mom was pulled over and fined by a state police officer for driving with out insurance. He also made her handover her tags. This was somewhat near the time, we brought my car. My mom asked to borrow my $3000+ ($3400 maybe? I can’t remember). I had mild PTSD from the accident, plus heightened driving anxiety (I’ve always had some sort of driving anxiety, but where we live requires us to drive). I let my mother use the money to pay her fines and get her tags back. She gets her car back and is able to start driving to work again.
A little while after she gets her car back, she convinced me to apply for a credit card so that I can build up some credit. I agreed that this was a good idea. She applied to get a credit card with my bank. I forgot about the whole credit card ordeal until I came back home from college during a break. I saw that my credit card had come, but my mom never told me. She had maybe asked me once (?) if she could borrow it to get gas. I told her yes as always. Anyways, a few days later it’s time for me to go back to school. I forgot to get the credit card from her.
I came back a month or two later for Christmas break to find that I have a $700+ credit card bill. I confronted my mom about it, but she seemed only slightly apologetic, as if it was a shame she didn’t 1) have better self control and 2) ASK ME if she could use a credit card in MY name????? I took the credit card from her and never let her use it again.
My refund check came around this time. There’s no need to say what happened you already know. Fast forward to refund tax time (or smthg/yayyyy!!). My mom calls me to let me know she got her refund check, but she needs to borrow some of the $3000+ she was supposed to be repaying me. I regretfully caved. She maybe gave me $2000? I can’t remember because she asked for more very soon. Then, she asked again and again (she asked $900 because my god Mother’s husband was having surgery).
Fast forward to now, I now only have $500 in my car fund, $383 in my study abroad fund (it’s a graduation requirement for my college, less than $5 in BOTH of my checking accounts and $50 in my savings account. I don’t have the car she’s been promising to buy me for the last few months. I put my foot down on Monday and didn’t give her any money (she needed to pay her car insurance, plus the late fees) no matter how scared I was of losing my ride to work everyday. She applied for a loan. I don’t know if she got it, as we aren’t speaking right now, because of her not respecting my financial and social boundaries. I know that I’ll never get those thousands of dollars back and that makes me feel robbed, stupid and EXTREMELY discouraged about my life and my efforts to change my situation. The big question: HOW DO I STOP RESENTING MY MOTHER FOR ROBBING ME OF MY MONEY AND THE EXPERIENCES I NEVER GOT TO HAVE AS A TEEN BECAUSE SHE TOOK A LOT OF THE MONEY I EARNED?
I know what was a long read and I want to say thank you to anyone who even took the time out of their day to read a little bit and/or help me.
TDLR; I’ve been loaning my mom money ever since I started working at 14 She accumulated a $3000+ debt with me. This includes: -money she’s borrowed to help others ($900 at least) -credit card debt accumulated with out my consent or knowledge ($700+) -random amounts ($1200 at least) -my $3000+ insurance check I got after a car accident -I resent her so much. I can’t stand to look at her. I don’t want to say I hate her but I do. I resent her so much my job performance has taken a hit. I don’t want to hate her or harbor any bad feelings towards her. I love her, I really do. -I don’t want to bring any of this up with her because she’s always gaslighting me. -How can I heal and move on from this so that it doesn’t affect my other relationships?
Submitted July 17, 2019 at 07:06PM by FemFairy22 https://ift.tt/2SjFJGz
No comments:
Post a Comment