I love my boyfriend and we’ve been dating for two years but there’s this issue that has been bothering me for awhile.
He always has to be right. Everything becomes a competition to him: if I say I’m tired (I’m a student), he’ll say something like “say that when you’re working a warehouse job like me.”
It’s even worse when we fight. He gets super defensive and will start yelling at me, about my faults, and once I start crying he’ll go off about how “he’s sick of my tears and he’s not going to apologize because he’s not in the wrong.” Mind you, I’m not crying for sympathy because I know he doesn’t give it, I’m crying because my boyfriend is yelling and the fight hurts my feelings (if that makes sense).
I admit I have my faults and lately I’ve been asking my boyfriend about where we stand in our relationship. He used to say he wanted the both of us to put all of our effort into each other and that we should be each other’s priority, but lately I feel like he’s not doing that and in my opinion, if I’m being completely devoted as he asked, I should get the same in return. Now he says that he doesn’t like to try hard and he wants to live his life without a care. He stopped planning dates or even agreeing to dates and we spend most of our time indoors doing nothing, just so he can play video games, and when I ask him about maybe going out and experiencing life together like we used to— he will go off and get super defensive about having no time to himself. He will defend himself by saying no guys want to take their girlfriends out on a date and that he’ll go find a girl who isn’t so “high maintenance.” Which I don’t agree with, I don’t think I’m being high maintenance, isn’t it normal to want to do things?
He’s also addicted to porn, and when I bring up that issue he just says “name one guy who isn’t addicted to porn” and that it’s normal to prefer jerking off to having real intimate sex. Or sometimes he’ll even blame me for it, and how I used to dress up so “slutty” and how can he get turned on knowing a bunch of guys have jerked off to me?
Another issue is: if I bring up anything he’s done wrong, he’ll find something that I’ve done wrong. Even if that never happened... like “oh you’re messaging your ex I definitely saw a message six weeks ago” when there were no messages. Or that I lied about what time I’m going out with a friend when I know for sure that I kept him up to date that entire day.
He is always going off about how easy it is to get a girl because he’s so great. If I ever say anything like that he would be upset and say I’m conceited. I’m okay with him thinking he can date someone else, it’s obvious you can. But why does he say things like that? Why does he hold himself on such a high pedestal? He’ll work out for two days and talk about how much muscles he’s already seeing. When people bring up the fact that he’s almost thirty and still lives with his parents, he’ll say girls don’t care about that. Or when family members ask him about his future plans (he’s currently working an almost minimum wage job because he refuses to take a test and get certified, even though he went to college), he just gets super defensive about how money isn’t everything. He has no problems talking about my imperfections or anyone else’s imperfections but can’t ever admit that he has any
I love him, but these issues are making me feel like I’m going crazy? He keeps calling me controlling and high maintenance and am I? Is it really so wrong to want someone to care about our relationship and put effort in it? I mean I know he has a tiring job and maybe I’m being too much because he has no energy but one day a week? Or asking him to tone down his porn watching to maybe desensitize him, is that too controlling? I don’t know.
I don’t really want to break up but I’m just reaching my breaking point. Any time I distance myself, it’s almost as if he notices and changes temporarily to the great guy I met in the beginning, but lately I’m beginning to think that maybe that guy was a dream and this is who he really is. At this point I don’t really know what to do.
TL;DR: Boyfriend always has to be right, and never admits to any faults. In fact he’s so great that he can get any new girl whenever he wants, even though he doesn’t want to put any effort and would rather watch porn. But apparently I’m the controlling one and this is all my fault. Am I the crazy one looking too deep into this? Am I overly sensitive?
Submitted July 13, 2019 at 08:02AM by spongyofficers https://ift.tt/2Jwzaxw
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