My (23 F) boyfriend’s (23 m) apartment is so disgusting that it’s creating stress in the relationship. Advice?

To start out: I understand and respect the fact that my boyfriend (23 M) is getting paid minimum wage and can’t afford much. (I am currently a student working to pay off loans, so I can’t contribute to moving in with him to a better place right now.)

He just moved to a very run down and crappy apartment with his best friend, in a pretty dangerous area. (gun violence, car break ins on the street everyday, stories of people getting mugged if they walk alone, etc). This alone makes me uncomfortable, especially for someone like me that’s new to the city. (I’m originally from a very rural farming area, and I am struggling to adjust..)

However, what makes me most uncomfortable, is just how disgusting the inside of the apartment is. There are cockroaches, mold stains, everything is falling apart, etc, and the hygiene of him and his best friend is the cherry on top.

They both never clean up, (No vacuuming, dusting, they leave hair in the sink and shower drain, my boyfriend never even changes his bed sheets, etc.) I have tried talking to him about it, but he still refuses to make an effort, and I do not want to be the one cleaning up after them since I don’t have the time, energy, nor do I actually live with him. I asked him to pay for a cleaning service but he refused and got annoyed at me for asking him to pay for something ‘trivial.’

I usually spend 3-4 nights a week sleeping over his apartment, and recently he’s asked me to move in with him, saying that he thinks the relationship will never progress if I don’t take the next step. He knows I can’t financially afford it even if I wanted to, but he and his best friend insist I can stay for free as they understand my situation. I still politely have been declining, and pushing it off.

Every time I’m there, I can’t help but feel like I’ll get a staph infection lol. It’s so grimy that I feel gross and uncomfortable and can’t sleep. I’ve been feeling so stressed about it that I make excuses not to sleep over.

I know this probably all sounds ridiculous, and maybe im being an absolute princess about it. (I also suffer from OCD, largely related to germophobia .) so feel free to roast me. But I just needed some advice as to how to handle the situation, or if I’m overreacting. I feel like I can’t be completely honest with him about how I feel because he’s shot me down in the past, and I know he’ll take this as an ultimate insult to our entire relationship.

Tl:DR: Boyfriend moved to an extremely filthy apartment in a bad neighborhood, and refuses to make an effort to really clean it up. I don’t want to be the one doing it, as I don’t live there so it’s not my job. However, I feel so uncomfortable when I’m there due to the filth, that I’ve been making excuses not to stay over. It’s starting to impact the relationship.

Submitted July 25, 2019 at 02:03PM by dontlikemess https://ift.tt/2ydCPd8