(Re-post because I accidentally deleted my original)
A little background. Married to my high school sweetheart 21 years, 2 kids both in their late teens.
I have been feeling out of sorts for a few years. I have just been down now for a couple of years. I try my best to hide my feelings, to make the best of everything I do with my family. I have tried my hardest to not show I feel down, and just in-interested in things.
I have done my best to keep feelings hidden and be an active part of my family, but I know they can tell I am not myself. I know my wife has asked me several times if everything is ok, I just try to smile and play it off. But deep down she knows. My children are both older but I am sure they know and it effects them as well.
I really can not turn to my parents there is a large stigma about mental illness and I really don't want my parents to know anything. I also don't have many close friends, I have always chosen to spend my time with my family rather than anyone else.
I am afraid to tell them about how I feel, I don't want my wife to worry that she has done something or has caused me to feel this way, because it is not her or anything really with my family. I can not really put my finger on why I feel the way I do, just everything feels.... Blah
I have a few questions I really don't have many answers for.
- How can I tell my wife how I feel, if I can not even describe why I feel the way I do, I can't tell if I have "depression" or am in a "mid life crissis" or something else entirely. I really don't want to be a burden or worry her, this is why I have waited for a few years hopping I would feel better.
- I accept I am going to need some help getting healthy I really can not keep on this way much longer. How does someone from a really small town seek help? Online resources ect.
- I guess I really just want to be happy again and enjoy life. Its getting to hard to fake it anymore, and I know it is damaging the people around me, which just adds to my down feelings and it becomes a feedback loop. I just don't know what to do, or who to turn to.
TL:DR: Don't know how to come to terms with depression.
Submitted July 25, 2019 at 05:45PM by Burner-x-1976 https://ift.tt/2LHWTwO
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