I met Ben via my cousins almost 20 years ago, he was friends with them. He’s 12 years older than me and I was just out of high school and I had a crush on him. We tried dating for a couple of years but I was too young. We got along great while dating but he wanted the American dream and I didn’t want that straight out of high school so we broke up and soon after he got married and had a kid and achieved what he wanted. While we dated I had those butterflies in my stomach the entire time, I wanted to be around him all the time and we really enjoyed spending time together.
We drifted apart after that and I hadn’t spoken to him in about 18 years. I got married to a man that made me feel the same way Ben did all those years ago, the whole butterflies and such.
Turns out though my happily ever after didn’t work out. My husband turned out to be abusive in every possible way and he was also a drug addict and alcoholic who eventually died from alcohol abuse.
About the time my life was falling apart Ben’s was too. His wife was having an affair and wanted out of their marriage. He found me on Facebook and at first we got together just to exchange stories about the hell we were going through but it didn’t take long for us both to see just how well we got along and how similar our values and such still were.
Our marriages ended within the same month and we decided to try dating.
It’s been 6 months since we started dating and 9 months since we started talking again and we spend time together whenever we can, which is almost daily. We’ve taken a couple of vacations together and we get along wonderfully. He’s still the same guy I knew all those years ago and he says I’m still the same person I was only more mature. In a lot of ways it’s just like time hasn’t passed.
The problem is I don’t love him, I don’t have those butterflies I had first time around. Right now if he was to break things off it wouldn’t bother me. I can’t tell if my lack of deep feelings is because of the hell I went through with my husband or something more. He’s talking about me moving in when my lease is up in November and I just have no feelings one way or another about moving in with him. It would save me a ton of money moving in with him but at the same time I’d be perfectly happy staying where I am.
Am I broken? Is it because I started a relationship so soon after my marriage ended? Why don’t I have feelings for him?
TL:DR I don’t have deep feelings for my boyfriend and I’m not sure if it’s me or our relationship.
Submitted July 16, 2019 at 08:12AM by Anon2858681720 https://ift.tt/32x4fIU
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