Some background: I met my husband as a rebound out of my high school sweetheart relationship. Everything was super intense and we quickly fell in love. Within a year he had proposed and I accepted. We've been married for 2 years and together for 7. At some point in the relationship, without my noticing, we became best friends instead of lovers: at least on my end of things. We even stopped having intercourse about 4 years ago, not that we weren't sexually active with one another, we just weren't having intercourse. Our sexual encounters were also spaced out at maybe, a hard maybe, twice a month. We never planned having kids or furthering the relationship in any way, either.
Around 6 months ago I had a very close friend finally grow a pair and ask me why I allowed my husband to change my personality so much. I was really confused for a few weeks but then I started to realize how true this was and just how miserable I had been in the relationship. I had been morphing myself into someone else to make him happy and to allow the relationship to work. I wouldnt argue with him, I always agreed with him, I was quiet around him, I never partied and harder than a beer, the list goes on. So I started looking into things: alimony, lawyer cost, etc. and further and further down the miserable rabbit hole I fell.
With this, I started emotionally cheating on him hard core with someone who allowed me to be myself. She was a close friend to begin with and the transition was thus easy. With her I came full circle to see that the life I was living prior with my husband was all a lie clouded by a busy schedule, the desperate want for a picket fence and 2 kids (again, not that we ever made these kind of plans), and the familial pressure to have a happy nuclear unit between us.
My husband caught us, in text messages, about a month ago. I finally came clean about everything I had been feeling for the last 6 months....and he didnt believe me.
Fast forward, Ive been living with my grandmother for the entirety of June and have told him that I want a divorce and he.... still refuses to believe me. And whenever I bring it up he flies into mental breakdown mode, that he was a fool to drive me to emotionally cheat and that he will do anything to get me back.
But I dont want to go back to living a life I was unhappy in. The entire construct of the marriage was built on guilt, peer/familial pressure, and the belief that I had "Achieved everything in life".
Does anyone have any advice on how I can get him to believe me? I live in Ohio which is a no fault state so if I have to I can apply for a no-fault, uncontested divorce but Im worried if I do that that he'll still try to cling onto me.
Tl;dr My husband wont believe that I want a divorce and I cant think of how to convince him I do and I dont know that he will leave me alone even through a no fault uncontested divorce. Any advice on how to convince him?
Edit: some pertinent information. He's dealt with severe depression and anxiety for the past 3 years and the biggest reason I want him to see WHY we don't work is because I'm terrified of having someone's mental ruining on my hands. I'd be fine just serving him otherwise.
Submitted July 02, 2019 at 10:52AM by JaneDough46 https://ift.tt/2xwqZu5
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