I have a hard time trusting my intuition because I have anxiety and can sometimes jump to conclusions, but I'm getting a real sense that something is up. I need someone else's perspective on this situation before I do anything.
My boyfriend and I haven't been together for very long (slightly less than 3 months) but knew each other for a while and had become close friends before we found out we had feelings for each other. From the start, we had a high comfort level and could talk about anything with each other; we're also insatiably physically attracted to each other and couldn't keep our hands off of each other. He was romantic and affectionate and made me feel like absolutely no one I had ever been with. We're also really similar people and see eye-to-eye on just about everything.
We did have a couple conversations around the start where he expressed his fears about relationships (due to his past relationships being bad) and his uncertainty around his feelings for me because he tends to get crushes on all of his female friends, but I assumed he had worked through these hesitations when he asked me to be his girlfriend officially. All in all, we were both excited and happy and it seemed like the start of something really good.
That lasted all of a few weeks until he completely changed over the course of about a week. No more initiating affection, didn't want to hang out as much, the pet names and kiss emojis and everything just stopped out of nowhere. I asked him about it, and he explained that he's actually not a very affectionate person and kind of a loner, so once the euphoria wears off he quickly reverts back to his old ways.
I didn't completely buy it, and I was right. A few days later, he asked me to come over to talk. He said his fears came back because he hadn't let his feelings go like he did with me, and he still wasn't certain about the genuineness of his feelings for me. Ultimately, he just doesn't know what he wants and can't reconcile with or identify his feelings. We talked for a while and elected to proceed, and for the next week it felt like he was back to his normal self.
Since then, it's taken another turn. Our interactions feel purely platonic unless I initiate something, and most of the time he doesn't reciprocate unless he has to (i.e. a kiss or a hug). He doesn't really talk to me very much unless I talk to him first, and while he did invite me out a couple times, he's been kinda dodging spending time together privately. It's been 3 weeks since we've had sex or done anything one-on-one. He's also going to be going on a long trip in a couple weeks (that I had NO idea about) and I don't know if I can live with this uncertainty while he's gone.
I just don't understand what's going on and I feel jerked around. Is this his normal self? Did he get freaked out again and he's withdrawing? Is he losing interest?
Realistically I feel like I should just assume that we had our fun, it won't ever be that way again and he's probably not emotionally healthy enough to be in a relationship. But having been friends beforehand, we were both probably more invested in this from the start, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be with someone who makes me feel the way he made me feel ever again and it's so hard to let go. It feels like I'm going to lose an important piece of my life.
Reddit, what would you do?
Tl;dr - boyfriend and I were close friends, found out we had mutual feelings. Things were perfect until he started to get weighed down with fears about relationships and his feelings for me and not knowing what he wants. His affection and interest seems to be coming and going and I don't know if I should continue to see what happens or break things off now.
Submitted July 15, 2019 at 10:09AM by insecurethrowaway93 https://ift.tt/2YTT0Ij
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