Am I[24F] wrong for expecting my husband[27M] to be a parent to our son? I feel like I’m going crazy.

TL;DR my husband feels he does more than me regarding our child, got angry because I wanted a couple hours of me time and threw my feelings due to PPD in my face.

So, for context: I just had a baby about a month ago (it will be a month Saturday). First baby. I’m dealing with PPD, which I knew was a strong possibility because I also battle with BPD and MDD. I had a super rough pregnancy, relatively easy delivery aside from having an episiotomy, but I was obviously extremely sore and the first couple of days it was difficult to move my legs/walk on my own.

The very first day home, because I knew my husband had to work early the next morning (his last day of work before getting two weeks off), I got up with our son every time he woke up during the night. Since then, my husband’s gotten up maybe 5 times total during the night. Every other time, it’s been me. Even while he was off for two weeks. He tells me during the day I can wake him up, but when I do he’s pissy the entire time, and I’m just over dealing with it so I’ve been doing it. I would then get up around 7-8 when our son woke up again and just stay up for the day, while my husband continued to sleep until 10-11. For the first two weeks, I was the ONLY one changing diapers because my husband was grossed out. Finally I made a big enough stink about it and he started doing that.

Now, he’s back and work, he usually works 7:45-7, and I’m alone with the baby from that time. Our baby’s very colicky so needless to say, I’m kind of losing my mind a little bit lol. When he comes home, he helps out a little bit, usually by prepping bottles and such or doing dishes/laundry. I’m grateful for any kind of help, but he still feels like he should be allowed to relax since he’s been working all day.

Now here’s the problem.. today was not a good day for me mentally, and on top of that, our baby has been awake and fussy from the time we got up this morning til about 30 minutes ago (it’s 6:50p as i’m writing this). I texted my husband and broke down, told him how miserable and sad and stuck I feel, told him I haven’t felt like myself and that I barely feel like a person, and told him that I need a couple hours to myself. He said that’s fine, Sunday is his day off, I can have some me time then. That was a few hours ago. Now, I texted him telling him that the baby hasn’t slept all day, and he told me that I should call his grandma and ask her to come over and help instead of “expecting him to do it on his only day off”.

I told him that he’s a dad now. He doesn’t get days off. I told him I understood that he’s tired also and that I don’t expect him to run himself dry, but to please not also expect the same from me. Is it really so hard to give me a couple hours to myself? He backtracked and said he didn’t expect to do nothing all day, and that he basically just wanted a couple hours to himself also. Which I obviously don’t have a problem with, everyone needs me time, but what he said didn’t sound like that and that’s what I tried to explain.

Then he started going off, about how he does more than me, I’m not working, it’s not that hard to just change and feed a baby and put them down to sleep, etc. Then he completely threw what I said during my breakdown back in my face, telling me how I’m not even bonding with our baby, that I don’t treat him well, that a mother shouldn’t be saying these things and if I feel this way I should leave our son with him, and “boo fucking hoo”. Let me note that I love my son, more than anything. I’m there the second he starts crying, I hold him and play with his hair until he falls asleep, I talk to him, I sing to him, I would do absolutely anything for him. Me being miserable is not his fault and I don’t resent him and I know it’s the PPD and that this feeling won’t last.

I told him that I haven’t felt like I could tell anyone about these feelings and as soon as I do, I’m met with that kind of attitude and I told him to never question why I feel like I can’t talk to him again. He simply said “Don't expect compassion if you can't afford it yourself”, whatever that means. All of this......because I wanted a couple hours to myself.

Am I crazy? Am I wrong? I legitimately feel like I’m losing my mind.... any insight is appreciated. Thank you ahead of time.

Submitted July 11, 2019 at 04:20PM by anonneedsadvce https://ift.tt/2XVeWFP