I (28F) am a Personal Trainer with an overweight fiancé(30M) who takes no responsibility for food preparation or health

Would really love advice on this, I want to be as fair and sensitive as possible! Thank you in advance!

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Background: I am a personal trainer at a very good gym in a large city. I came to training through my own lifelong struggles with health and fitness (disordered eating, overweight for large portion of life, dealt with food addiction, no stranger to the struggles both mental and physical of being unhealthy) and have an immense passion for what I do and the transformative power of exercise.

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My partner and I have been together for 7+ years and I love him very much. He has been sedentary for our entire relationship-- can count on one hand the number of times he has worked out. His job is incredibly sedentary (he sits for 10 hours a day) and his diet is unhealthy--he will go days without eating because he is so focused on work, then eat a whole pizza, hamburger, 4 chocolate bars, and a pint of ice cream, etc. He will eat healthily sometimes, but maybe two salads a week, then days where he will only eat deli meat and a chocolate bar, or cereal and sugary juice. Very inconsistent in intake and nutrients. For a long time I left it alone-- figured he was an adult, and I know from experience that if you do not want to change you life, it will not change. I always kind of thought eventually he would start to take some responsibility for his healthy and make at least some modest changes on is own. Recently we became engaged (yay!) though, and I suddenly began to realize that his habits are not changing, and show no sign of changing. I don't care about looks at all , what is really bothering me is 1) his health and 2) his lack of personal responsibility and discipline. I don't care if he has a six pack, I care about the fact that he puts no effort into bettering himself and taking responsibility for his health and his well being. For me its about the process not the results-- don't need the guy to be slinging iron all day long, but it would be nice if he cared about having basic physical competency.

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So, I tried to train him-- he was willing, but it didn't work out-- any other fitness professionals will know how hard to is to train or be trained by someone you love! I was too close to the situation so I decided to outsource to one of my colleagues who he gets along well with-- love this guy, he is a great trainer and they will work together well. I am paying for his gym membership ($3000 for the year) and training packages ($1600 per 12 sessions). Should be noted that my partner makes a lot more than I make in a year and is not hurting financially. He is totally willing to go to the gym, but what we are struggling with is nutrition.

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Nutrition is essential to any healthy lifestyle, and without him following a basic healthy diet all this money and effort will go completely to waste. He is a very traditional guy and expects me as the woman to deal with food prep-- to the point that he will literally not order delivery by himself. I will be working 12 hour days training on my feet the entire time and squeezing my own workout in, and he will be at his computer nonstop and only eat chocolate all day because I was not physically there to order him food or pick it up for him. We have at least 3 healthy lunch places within a 2 block radius,
and access to Seamless and Grub Hub-- he refuses to order his own food thought as he thinks it is "shameful" that he, the man, has to do it rather than me doing it for him. I am not a cook, I prepare limited meals for myself but I also follow a specific diet for my own goals, not suitable for his. He often works late at the office until 9 or 10 pm, and I leave for morning sessions at 5 or 6am, so have to get to sleep-- not feasible for me to wait to eat dinner until 9pm to try to make it for him. There are many prepared meal services but he will not pay for them-- they average around $70 a week for 1 meal a day, $120 a week for 2 meals per day.

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This is my sticking point. I am paying thousands of dollars for his training, and am willing to dedicate my limited time off to helping him do his homework (cardio sessions) and meal prep his snacks and breakfast for him, but there is something about me also paying for his meal delivery as well as handling picking the food/ meals every week for him that just GETS to me. Am I being unreasonable? Men, do you feel ashamed that your partner is not a cook? Do I have to be responsible for his nutrition and health? I desperately want him to take some pride in himself and I know how much happier he will be if he exercises and eats healthy but there is something about this I can't handle. Any advice much appreciated!

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**TL;DR;** : my partner refuses to participate in food preparation because of gender roles, even while I am paying for his personal training and gym membership, am I out of line to be pissed?

Submitted May 31, 2019 at 11:49AM by fluff19 http://bit.ly/2YXMIab