How can I [30/F] be less intimidating? There is a guy [28/29/M] I like and don’t want to scare him off.

I made a huge mistake growing up and consciously never dated in high school or university. I went to medical school and never had any time, so any relationship I had was very casual. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and in the intervening years, I’ve had a whopping collective of 2 sexual partners, and only a few times did we “get to business.”

I realized I was in a funk and after a lot of soul searching I realized that my funk was in part just my own foibles. I was living such an uptight life and one thing I longed for was a partner-in-crime, someone I could share my life with. I realized that was going to be hard living as I was, and I got a therapist and took conscious steps towards changing some of my ways – I was incredibly fastidious and overly organized, I basically lived in a showcase apartment that was never out of place. Anyway, I’ve done a lot of work on myself. I’m reasonably intelligent, hardworking and I’m pretty good looking (if I do say so myself).

I was fixed up on a few dates with classmates/colleagues, but dating another physician was not that great. You really don’t have much to talk about and what you do have to talk about is work. I can’t be in a relationship where it’s just work. Efforts to try to break free of the conversation trap were not successful and the ‘relationships’ fizzled. I tried online dating which is everything people would think it to be. The person who shows up is either 20 years older than in their photo or the “person” you chatted with is actually a fictitious persona that in no way reflects who they are in real life. I’m not asking for anything specific, but something reasonably close to what people told me online. I sort of lost faith in online dating when one person showed up whom I’m certain wasn’t even 21 and got upset when I said I doubted his age and tried to pump me for money.

The “best” that I encountered recently was a guy, “George” who was a nice fellow. We went on a number of dates. Very quiet and reserved, he didn’t much care for chitchat but was a gentleman and very lovely. He was roughly my age and seemed to be fairly normal. We went on a number of dates but one day he just never showed-up and simply ghosted me. I sent a message asking what happened and why he never showed up. He didn’t respond for a while until he randomly texted me an apology and that I was “too intimidating.” That’s something I had heard before. People think that I’m not going to be interested in them because I live on my own, or because I’m a doctor. I don’t know how to be “less” intimidating. I don’t browbeat people intellectually; I’m not rude or condescending with people of different educational backgrounds; I’m not snobby or an elitist.

My question is: How do I be “less” intimidating? I ask because there is a guy I’ve met. He’s the brother of a friend. He’s roughly my age. Single. Funny. Well educated, a professional and we share similar interests. He has the way of making you feel like you’re the only person in the room. I attempted to flirt, which I’m admittedly not great at, but I got my point across. He had to leave and event but I spoke to him and know that he’ll be at an event this evening and I really want to make a good impression/ask him on a date.

Wait, is asking a guy out very uncouth? Is it bad to be straight forward? Anyway, I really like him and would like to spend time with him where we could get to know each other better. I’m really nervous and want to make a good impression and this intimidating thing is really weighing on me.

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tl;dr I have been told I'm "intimidating" and that I scare guys away. I don't know how I'm being intimidating and need help so that I can impress this guy I really like without scaring him away.

Submitted May 31, 2019 at 12:14PM by Particular_Aioli http://bit.ly/2W895YG