My [28F] boyfriend [30M] didn't buy a plane ticket for a trip we planned three months ago and just told me.

Hi. I'll try to be concise but I am just so sad. Hence the throwaway name.

​

My boyfriend and I have a really long history, we were FWB in college, neither really wanted to commit, I graduated and moved to a nearby larger city and I ended up in a long term relationship. He moved to the same city several years later, we always stayed in touch pretty casually, and we always had a great friendship, shared humor, so much in common in interests, and always a great mutual affection. I struggle with anxiety/depression and he always seemed supportive and understanding of this, and he helped me with my overwhelming emotions and was very level.

​

I ended up leaving my LTR in 2017, he expressed to me that he regretted never having told me in college that he had very strong feelings for me, he expressed that he wanted to try to be in a relationship. I was hesitant, just having left my LTR, and I waffled for a bit which I think hurt him inexplicably. BUT, we started dating in early 2018 and things were amazing for a while. He is spontaneous, our humors and weirdness vibe so well, I was starting to feel like it was meant to be. He is the funniest person I think I've ever met and I just love doing nothing with him.

​

We moved in together about six months ago, had some generic 'ugh you're so messy' arguments but other than that things were okay. Then the sex life started fading a bit, and I continuously asked him and checked in what was on his mind, if I could do anything to reignite the interest, etc. I also had some conversations with him about his withdrawn behavior overall, he stopped celebrating any holidays or events for us, and when I asked about it or requested it he would say he would do better but nothing happened.

​

It was another of these conversations, when I was trying to express that my needs for romance/attention aren't being met. These conversations are usually really one sided, with my trying to ask questions and getting very little input. So he warned me he wanted to have a talk and he offloaded several huge bombs.

He's been having doubts for months:

• He thinks I am too negative still (Which is something we've talked about in the past regarding my anxiety/depression, but I'm really jiving with my therapist right now and I thought we were doing well.)
• He thinks I drink too much (I'll cop to this, we both drink too much, he works in the service industry and it's a bit party heavy. He acknowledged he has an issue too and in the past we've both taken 'breaks' which I am on one right now so this also seemed a bit random.)
• He doesn't think that he can handle how my emotions affect him. (This is the one that ripped my heart out, I've been ASKING him what's wrong for months and he kept saying we were okay and then I find out he's had doubts, doesn't know if he can be happy with me, but he didn't want to tell me.)

​

So we are supposed to go to a friends wedding in Chicago in March. 'We' booked the airfare in December, I booked the airbnb and we've had chats about other things we want to do while we are there. Well last night he tells me he didn't book them, because he 'wasn't sure if we'd still be together' when the date came.

​

He says he doesn't want to break-up he is 'uncertain' of what to do. But he also laid this all out for me, showed zero emotion, and seemingly is over it. I was crying at the point he mentioned not buying a ticket to Chicago and I asked if he felt remorse and he said he's sorry it hurt me as a consequence, but he doesn't regret not going through with something he was unsure about.

​

I'm fucking baffled. I can see he is obviously depressed but he shows very little interest in working on that overall. He is also desperate to start a family, we have talked extensively about marriage, a house, children. There was in the past zero hesitation to talk about these things, even though I would interject that we needed to be saving, focusing on our careers, etc.

​

TL;DR - My boyfriend and I have been in touch/had feelings for one another on and off for about 7 years, we finally got together and started dating and it was great for six months and then he started to get very withdrawn. Can I do anything? Does he just have grass is always greener syndrome? Things came to a head when he told me last night he only bought one ticket for a wedding we are going to in March (he bought the tickets in December) because he 'wasn't sure if we were still going to be together.'

​

​

Submitted March 01, 2019 at 01:02PM by Sadsadsososad https://ift.tt/2UgMHfs