Not entirely sure where to start as there is some additional information surrounding the situation and my mind has been quite scattered since this occurred.
I’ve been with my SO for the past 7 year, we’ll call her Sarah. Our relationship has been great overall through this time. Now of course we’ve had our ups and downs just like any other couple. We have a two year old child together and in the past year finally started discussing the idea of getting married. Prior to having these discussions, neither of us had getting married high in our list of priorities as we had other financial goals we had hoped to obtain first. However, n the past few months there have been some problems growing between us.
I guess the problems started to arise about 6/7 months ago. Around this time my job transferred me cross country to another office. She was happier about this than I was as it moved us closer to her mother. I started to notice a disconnect growing between us. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but things just seemed different. We weren’t as open to one another, we were starting to barely spend any time together, and our sex life seemed to be in a funk; often going weeks without sex. I tried bringing the issue up here and there but it never seemed to change and we seemed to just be coexisting in the same space.
About a month ago my brother ended up taking his own life. I think in my own way of grieving I started to look at the relationship that Sarah and I had together. I love her but I just felt like I couldn’t hold it in or let the disconnect continue to grow. Two weeks ago I finally decided to bring up how I felt. It was a rather productive talk and I think Sarah started to understand what I meant and how I felt about our disconnection. We came up with a plan to strengthen our relationship and it seemed like things were going to change, but I still had this feeling that something wasn’t right.
On Sunday, Sarah decided to go out after work with coworkers while I watched our son. This isn’t anything abnormal as I’m not the jealous type. For some reason, this day was different. Sarah ended up staying out after work for approximately 7 hours. She reached out here and there but it was to ask how our child was. I had our child in the bath when things exploded. I asked if she planned on coming home before our child went to sleep and received a response that basically said no. I got upset and things turned into a huge argument. When she came home I basically accused her of cheating. I couldn’t prove it but said I just had this lingering feeling. After arguing for about an hour I realized that I was overreacting and tried to apologize. The following day I sent her a long message apologizing for overreacting. She gave me the whole speech about needing to trust her more and I agreed.
On Monday after work I asked if she wanted me to come home after work rather than working out. She said no and said I should just go work out. I agreed and ended up coming home around 730. She seemed to be in a good mood and I apologized for my behavior the night before. She told me she loved me and wasn’t upset about it. I went to put our child to bed shortly after speaking. Once our child was asleep she wrote me to come into the other room and we ended up having sex. After we had sex she asked me “do I have a fat ass?” in a joking manner, and in response I slapped and kissed her ass saying that I loved it.
Later on this night I decided to do my taxes while she went to sleep. The hard drive in my laptop recently died so I asked to use hers. She agreed but said wait a minute and grabbed her phone and then set it down and said “go ahead.” I thought this was odd but didn’t think much after that. I gathered all my tax info and made something to eat and sat down.
Now Sarah uses her laptop to text if she doesn’t have her phone nearby. As soon as I opened the laptop it opened to her iMessages app on the laptop. This has happened before in the past but I just close it and go about my business. As I went to close the app I noticed that the text message conversation that was up had a text that said “I’ll come quick. It’s been a while that she had received. Instantly my heart sank and all I could think of was “wtf is this?” I then had a moment of self conflict. Do I close the laptop, do I keep reading, do I confront her about this? I decided to keep looking and saw that there were about 20-30 text messages from this guy that were pretty graphic over the course of about 2 hours. One message saying something about watching her “fat ass” sliding on his dick. Instantly I thought of our sex session literally an hour before where she had asked if I thought she had a fat ass. The whole text chain only showed messages from him so I didn’t know what she was saying back.
I completely lost it and was shaking uncontrollably. I went into our room and woke her up to confront her. Initially she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about and said it must have been something someone joked about a few days prior. I made her come out into the living room and pointed at the laptop. We argued for hours about this. She kept saying over and over that she didn’t cheat and didn’t know what the messages were about. I refused to accept her answer and kept pressing. Finally she said the the person who was writing her was a coworker who at first was “gay” and then later “bi” and that these texts meant nothing and we’re just the two of them kidding around.
I told her it was entirely unacceptable and not something people in a committed relationship with a child joke about with others. She told me that the two of them had been hanging out at the pool earlier that day with another friend and that he was just trying to cheer her up about our argument the night prior. She repeated over and over that she would never cheat and that it was all a joke that went too far. She asked to show me her phone to see her responses back but I said no because I couldn’t bring myself to look. Finally after continuing to argue she showed me. Her responses weren’t really fully engaging back but she also did nothing to stop these advances. She also played along with a few of the messages which she again tried to say was just joking around that went too far.
We continued to argue and talk the entire night and didn’t really come to a conclusion. All I knew is that she was having these talks with a coworker and “friend” who she claimed to not be attracted and over and over that he was gay. To make it worse they were writing back and forth while I was trying to put our child down and minutes before we had sex. I still don’t know if anything physically happened between the two of them as she has denied over and over even swearing on our child’s life. I also found out that he had come over earlier in the day to give her a ride to the pool that they went to and even played with my child.
This man was in my home. Playing with my child. And they work together. She has said she has deleted his contact information and won’t speak with or see him outside of work. I don’t know if I can accept that. There’s still contact/communication between them at the end of the day. We’ve had several discussions since Monday and I part of me gets to a point or trying to move forward but then I’m suddenly hit by a wave of emotions. I always thought she was the kind of person who would never do this. Over the last 7 years there hasn’t been anything remotely close to this happening and we’ve both always discussed the concept of never straying in our relationship.
It’s been three days and I am completely lost. The surge of emotions that I’ve experienced is indescribable and I feel as thought I don’t have anyone close to talk to about it. I know the easy answer is just to leave this woman but it’s more than that. I had been planning on proposing to her next month on our anniversary. I love her more than anything and she’s the mother of my child. The level of hurt and pain that I feel though is just crushing. I keep asking myself what to do next. Part of me is wondering if I’m trying to make it work because of having a kid. I grew up with a single parent and really want my son to be raised in a healthy loving household. I want it to work but how do I overcome this, or is it even worth it? I don’t care if anyone writes back I just need an outlet to let this all out as I’ve been so embarrassed by this and am afraid to tell either family or friends.
TL;DR - I found out my girlfriend of 7 years and mother of my child was sexting (and possibly cheating) with another man that is a friend/coworker of hers and I am lost as to what to do.
Submitted February 28, 2019 at 01:56PM by MindWanderer111 https://ift.tt/2GUJBea
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