This will probably be long.
My family are entirely eastern european immigrants. Russian, Belarussian and mostly Polish.
About six months ago, I was googling my last name to see what history was available on the internet and I found immigration records for several of my family members. Some dates:
-Paternal Grandmother, Maria, immigrated to the US in March 1959.
-Father, Tomasz, born in the US in June 1961.
-Paternal Grandfather, Ryszard, immigrated to the US in March 1962.
This would directly imply my grandfather, my father's father, was not in the same country at the time my father was conceived, nor born. Around the time I made this discovery, my parents started planning a 35th wedding anniversary trip. My mother really wanted to go to Iceland. My father insisted they just go to Alaska because he didn't feel like getting a passport. After pressing the issue, my father revealed his mother "lost" his birth certificate. My mother told him they could get a new one, and my father started telling her a very bizarre story about how legally his mother was the only one with access and it would be extremely disrespectful to his mother to demand it, etc.
My mom came to me sort of venting about this. As a child, my father was horrifically abused by his mother. Beat badly, and often. He was treated quite literally as a slave by his mother. As he got older, his younger sister would steal money from him and his mom would defend her. His sister once stole his car he paid for himself, drunkenly crashed it, and my grandmother told him "oh well! shouldn't have left your keys sitting out! don't call the police!" more or less. He was always hated by his mother. She would beat him with pans, belts, sticks, etc.
His father loved him very much and did his best to look out for him, but worked long hours at a furniture factory and often wasn't home. His father passed away after a very late discovery of severe cancer which I believe still greatly haunts my father as he had little time to say goodbye (my parents were dating at this time). As a result of all this, my mom really despises my grandma. My dad has issues with PTSD + depression and a lot of repression, but is genuinely so kind and gentle and loving. My grandma has had NO relationship with our family, ever. As a final, gratuitous "fuck you" - my parents opted to give me the name of my father's aunt who took care of him and often mended wounds, and protected my dad during the worst stages of abuse. In old-time Polish culture, this is a HUGE disrespect.
Anyways.
I started digging and connecting dots. I am very close with much of my family and the more questions I started asking, the clammier people got. It became incredibly apparent everyone knew something. An aunt finally revealed in Late September that my grandma slept around while engaged to my grandfather while waiting for him to arrive in the US and got pregnant. He was a nice polish man, but she would not tell me the name. My dad was adopted.
I bought one of those ancestry DNA kit things, and in October was at a family gathering. I made passing mention to my aunt (dads sister) that I had got one and was going to submit it and was really excited about it. My aunt began making a colossal deal about it, which showed that she knew the truth, too. Telling me the tests were inaccurate, and that I should return it ASAP because it was a waste of $100. That they would probably throw random names in and it was more hassle than it was worth. That she has the 'family tree' and she would send me a picture of it and save me $100. I saw her on Christmas day and she was still pressing the issue to see if I had submitted it.
I have not taken the DNA test yet, because I guess I feel a sense of guilt knowing what I know. I worry my dad's bio-paternal side will show up and I can't imagine not sharing that with my dad. I despise my grandma and aunt for hurting my dad so much and continuing as adults to be absolutely horrible to him. I truly think this perfectly explains the abuse towards him.
So the question is - how do I handle this? What do I do? What is the next step?
TL;DR: I uncovered that my dad is adopted. I have no idea how to proceed with the information.
Submitted December 28, 2018 at 07:36AM by girlwithoutearrings http://bit.ly/2SkpHLO
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