My spouse's father died about a year ago, due to alcoholism. His father's death was pretty traumatizing for both of us, since we tried to draw attention to it with family and no one (including his wife) would really admit that there was a problem.
For the past year I've been noticing how much my spouse has been drinking. Obviously, I now have some baggage around alcohol consumption after witnessing what happened with his family. He's always been into craft beer, hard alcohols etc. and we have a very large liquor collection. While he only has 1-3 drinks a night typically, it's irking me because I feel like he's using it as a crutch for stress relief. What's most bothersome is that when we go out or hang out with friends, everyone will have a few drinks but he'll sometimes be the one who ends up drinking far too much and stops making sense/has to leave early.
I've brought this up to him and he'll go from getting really angry to feeling very ashamed, to then admitting he has 'a problem'. The next day he'll regress into a negative attitude about how he "can't have fun drinking with me". This has happened a few times over the past year, we've had the same "discussion" about how I'm concerned, he agrees it's a problem and then backtracks.
I am concerned about his relationship to alcohol. I don't think that drinking a few beers every night is a problem, but I feel like I need to know he can exist without relying on alcohol on a daily basis. Clearly, he has had a terrible year with losing his parent, and has other stressors - so I can understand why he is not feeling very well... but I feel uncomfortable, knowing what killed his parent - has or could potentially become his problem as well.
We're both in therapy right now separately, but we don't seem to be able to make progress on this issue. I'm not sure if I am being reasonable here, maybe I am projecting a bit regarding his family... but I don't think, at this age, we should be getting so drunk that we get belligerent. He thinks I am controlling and making it into a big deal. I suppose his drinking has BECOME a big deal for me because I am disturbed by my experiences with his family? I'm not sure if that is reasonable. Any advice, guidance would be appreciated.
TL;DR: I feel like my spouse is drinking too much, but I'm not sure if it's me who has baggage with his family history, or if it's him that actually has a problem/reliance.
Submitted December 26, 2018 at 12:32PM by thr0waway923 http://bit.ly/2AfU2Eg
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