Obviously this is a throwaway, and I am going to try and keep this fairly generic to try and avoid identifying information
I (25F) have been with my SO (25M) for a bit over 10 years, living together since we graduated high school. I think our relationship is pretty great for the most part but we have been having some problems with our sex life over the past couple of years,I have had some pretty serious medical issues which has led to a decent amount of weight gain, and our sex life has pretty much dried up. From my perspective I think it is likely he is not all that attracted to me at the moment, people tend to act like people prefer their SO to remain looking how they were when they got together and it hurts but I get that. For what it is worth my condition has stabilised and I have started losing the weight, but it is going to be a long journey and I am worried about where our relationship will be if this continues on this path.
He watches porn, a lot, and hasn't always been discreet about it. It isn't something I like which he knows, and it is really hard to accept when we are having so little sex. It is causing severe damage to my admittedly already damaged self esteem and on the few occasions we have had sex recently it has been less enjoyable because I have been so self conscious and all I can think about is what he watches and how far I am from that. We have talked about it some, and he has made an effort to be less obvious about it, but I don't think the amount he watches changed any (1-2 x day) and sex hasn't increased.
I am going to lose weight and I will get closer to how I used to look, but I will never look like a porn star. Obviously I need to work on my self esteem, but I am worried but by the time he finds me attractive again I am going to harbour so much resentment/the mental images of the porn and him will have permanently destroyed our sex lifeI think, given some of the posts I have seen here, that it is really important to make clear he has never said anything negative about my weight/appearance and is incredibly supportive and encouraging but I am not sure how to explain to him that these actions make the compliments he gives me sound completely fake, and that his actions might have long lasting negative implications,So I guess I am hoping that someone has some advice for how to deal with this, or tales of experience or even just strategies to try and stop the resentment building
TL;DR: My weight gain has led to SO losing attraction, which has led to porn and now I am resentful how can I prevent further damage while I lose the weight
Submitted November 01, 2018 at 07:22AM by SecretThrowaway213 https://ift.tt/2qqtcUk
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