My GF (23F) wanted to celebrate her Bday with her girls without me (24M), but invited male friends from her school, including a guy who is into her. Am i too jealous?

My girlfriend of 3 years recently started at a medical school about 1.5 months ago. I was really happy for her, that she found her way in life and seemed to get along pretty well with all her classmates right away. Until then, we've had a very good relationship with very few fights, nothing we ever worried about for too long.

But things started to get weird, when she told me that one of her classmates (Lets name him Jay) kept writing her at random occasions during her first week. She told me right away that there was that one weird dude,who had obvious interest in her. I didnt think much of it, as she was honest right away and told me that she would just not get too deep into the conversation, to not give him wrong hope.

Time went on and i kept seeing his name pop up on her phone, thats when i started to feel a bit weird. Shortly after, my girlfriend went out drinking with her new friends from school and Jay was part of that group. She slept at my place after the night out and what a surprise, his name popped up again on her phone during that night, telling her good night and that they (she and her friend) could have stayed at his place as well. Thats when the jealousy started to kick in for me and i just couldnt hold myself back to look into her phone. I know its an absolute no go to stalk the partners phone but i just felt so weird about the situation..and so i saw that they very indeed having a pretty colorful conversation during the last week. I absolutely trusted my girlfriend that she would have never bad intentions to cheat on me and i still do, but i knew right away that this dude was interested in more than just being friends, using certain emojis etc. I confronted my girlfriend and she was of course shocked that i was worrying so much, but did agree to cut back the conversation as she was planning before, just so i feel better.

A few weeks pass by and im starting to get away from the jealousy, but occassionally i still see his name popping up, but i accepted, that you cant just ignore a person, you see everyday in school.

Yesterday my girlfriend had birthday and she planned to celebrate it by going out with her girls only, telling me explicit that i couldn't be part. I understood that it would be weird for me to be part of that group being the only male, so i agreed to her, but i still felt kind of confused being left out of her birthday planning.. especially since it was her first time celebrating her bday in a bigger group and i wished to be part.
I agreed to pick her up after going out and was already excited to see her after, to spend at least the rest of the birthday night with her. While driving home, she started talking about the night with her friends (who were also in the car) and suddenly she slipped out and said something about "buying a friend a drink" (friend in male version). Thats when i started to get suspicious again....why wasn't i allowed to be part of the bday party, when there were indeed male friends? Later at home, i asked her carefully, who was part of the party in the end and suddenly she told me, that some guys from her school "randomly" were at the same bar, so they went along. Okay. Jay was of course part of that group. Now i couldn't control my jealousy anymore, since i already was kinda disappointed, that i was only good enough to pick her up and not to be part of the party. I confronted her and she told me again that those guys were just randomly there and she couldnt just flip them off so she invited them, just to be nice. Which i totally understood but still it hurt me so much, since i was worrying about Jay already and now she was even holding back information about him.

Tipsy as she was, she fell asleep right after but i was so furious already, that i had to check her phone again, being the big controlling mess (i know it's horribly wrong) I saw that the meeting with guys wasn't just occassionally but planned beforehand and she even was talking specificially to jay..she sent him a pic of the birthday present, which he got her (he drew her a mandala, to give her "good chakra in life") which was hung up on her mirror. In that pic, she was posing in the birthday dress for the party later, of course him admiring her outfit as a response. Puke. He also asked, why she wasn't wearing, what she planned to wear before. So she was talking to him about the birthday party in school already, great. Thats when i also saw, that she deleted the previous conversation with him, since all was left was the last part with the picture, which didn't make any sense.

In my rage i tore the drawing from her mirror waking her up which turned into an argument. She convinced me 100% that there was nothing happening and i was just adding up random things, drawing a big bad picture... as i said i totally trust that she would never cheat on me but still it hurt me so much, since i expected her to reduce contact to him long ago, even if they were getting along well as friends, only because of the fact it was bothering me and he would get wrong hopes. And now he was drinking with her into her birthday? Seeing her before me? She also admitted that she deleted their conversation on her phone and didn't want to tell me that boys from her school would be at the party, to not hurt me and make me jealous.

But thats exactly my issue, it hurt me even more, since she didn't even tell me beforehand and did everything "behind my back", scared of me getting a jealousy attack. While she admitted that she kind of knows that he is interested in her, she didnt see the need to restrain herself for my good. She didn't have too many friends before the school started, so now she is trying to get along well with everybody in the class for the next 3 years, which i totally understand, but i just can't control my jealousy and horrible thoughts... Am i overreacting? I kind of feel that she enjoys the attention from other boys (or in this case jay), which is reasonable, since its flattering, but why is it more important to her than my well being?

I know that her whole new group of friends will go out regulary during the next years and jay will problaby always be a part of that group..how am i going to cope with that in the future? Can i expect her to cut back contact to him to help me? Or am i totally in the wrong and should fight my jealousy more? Additionaly, i was in a very similar situation when we started dating, i had a female friend which i was very close with, but both of us never had the Intention to start something relationship wise, we were more like siblings. My gf was experiencing massive jealousy back then which i totally understood so i took a hard cut and stopped seeing/chatting with that female friend from that day. I don't expect her to do the same for me but its hurting me the same way and it's hard for me to understand, why she doesn't think how her actions can affect me, when she was experiencing the same jealousy before.

TL;DR My girlfriend told me, she would celebrate her birthday by going out with her girls only, so i could not go along, but invited guys from her class behind my back. A guy who is into her was part of that group and my girlfriend was chatting secretly with him, when i asked her not to. Am i too jealous?

Submitted November 26, 2018 at 07:26PM by niffl3r https://ift.tt/2P2vmDK