My friend [20f] cheated on her boyfriend [19m]. My boyfriend [27m] is upset with me [22f] for not being more upset with her.

I'm in a relationship with Josh, and I have a friend, Samantha.

I've also been going through some tough stuff in my own life, in terms of mental health that has left me feeling kinda drained. I'm in therapy working on it, but I'm still feeling tired and drained sometimes. Specifically, emotionally drained. Like I don't always have the emotional capacity left to get super happy or super upset about stuff.

I also may have an unusual perspective on life because I grew up in pretty crappy circumstances, and wasn't sheltered from much as a kid. So I've honestly seen way worse shit than someone cheating on a boyfriend.

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Josh and I found out Samantha was cheating on a guy she's been with for six months. A mutual friend told us. I wasn't all that shaken up, I've learned in life that everyone has the capacity to do shitty stuff, and probably will at some point. Pretty much everyone you meet will have some skeletons in the closet, if you think someone is perfect, you probably just don't know them very well. It matters more to me whether someone is willing to admit they were wrong and grow, than it matters if they've got a perfect reputation or history.

So hearing that from a mutual friend, that her boyfriend dumped her for cheating didn't get a big reaction out of me. I was honestly having a bad day myself when I heard, and had other things on my mind. Plus the whole feeling emotionally drained thing... So I didn't tell her off, but I also didn't reach out to her. I just accepted it like "oh ok that happened"

Josh was upset with me for not being shocked, not questioning my friendship with Samantha, not saying stuff like "Wow I can't believe she did that, it changes how I see her totally!" But that just isn't me, I'm not shocked by people's dirty secrets anymore.

And that caused a big fight between us. Josh asked if I thought cheating was OK, and I said of course not. And he said that the way I was acting didn't match what I was saying, I was just cool with hearing that my good friend was a cheater. I said it wasn't that I was cool with it, I just happen to know that pretty much every person has done something I'm not cool with, and if you get upset over everything you're gonna live a pretty miserable life. He asked if I was going to stay friends with Samantha and I said I didn't know enough to decide. I had only heard gossip really, I hadn't talked to her.

I still don't feel too emotional about this news, I don't know if that's normal for other people but it's normal for me. And my boyfriend is still upset I don't seem to care. I don't know why, maybe he thinks I think cheating isn't a big deal? I don't know if I should apologize, or ask him to explain why he's so upset even though that might just lead to another argument. I don't totally get it, and I could use some insight if you all have any to offer...

TLDR - I found out my friend got dumped because she cheated. I treated it as not a big deal to me, and that upset my boyfriend a lot.

Submitted November 27, 2018 at 07:14AM by Ollylotioxlotl https://ift.tt/2E1z6nI