My F(50) son(19) doesn't have any life goals, doesn't have any motivation to be better and blames all his shortcomings on his ADHD.

Hello, this is my first time posting on reddit so please bear with me. My son is a smart kid, not the school type of smart, but a smart person in general. However, he is lazy and whenever I bring this up in an conversation he says that "I'm not lazy because I want to, I'm lazy because I'm forced to BE lazy"; and when I ask who's forcing him he says it's himself. He doesn't work hard, he works the bare minimum, enough to just pass a test. Well, I never demanded high scores of him but it wouldnt hurt him to try a little harder. He says that he can't even if he tries and that his ADHD unables him to pay attention in class and thus, he is always looking through the window,daydreaming and gazing at the blue sky ( he once told that's one of the only things that brings him joy). He does study, and I can see that he is doing little improvements. He's two years behind other kids, and he should be already attending college. He is always criticising himself, saying that he's stupid, getting dumber by the day, and that he is ugly; and I'm seriously getting tired of it. He's is not stupid and, not by a mother viewpoint, but as a woman, I can certainly say that he is a cute young man. Like I said, he blames his ADHD for his shortcomings. In retrospective of what I said about him being smart, but not school smart, I think I can understand how he feels: "If I'm so smart like they say I am, how come I feel utterly stupid in school ?" . This only fuels his mediocrity complex. He once told me that school is killing him from inside, that each day when he wakes up, he just want to stay in bed, away from that nightmare. Now, a year ago, he decided all by himself, to attend a psychiatrist. I was shocked, in a good way of course. But he told me that if even that fails, he will probably do something very, very stupid; I expect the worst. He's attending the psychiatrist at the moment I'm writing this. He refuses that I speak with his doctor and he told me that each time he feels that he is making progress, he regresses; a vicious cycle. He has no pride in his work; he likes to read and write stuff, but only does so when he does. It's not a hobby like he said, it happens but when it happens he actually enjoys it. And no matter how many times we say to him that he is smart, he brushes it of by saying that someone like him is not allowed to be those things. If he could preform a lobotomy to "fix" himself, he would gladly do so. His words. The only thing that remains of his "past" self or his "prime", like he likes to say, is his strong sense of justice. Never have I seen such desire to do the right thing from someone else; he honestly wants to help people, and if he has the opportunity, he will gladly do it. Strangely, he puts his friends over his family. Not that I think it's a bad thing, but weird.

Either way, thank you for reading this long text and I am truly sorry for taking your time. I'm just a very worried mother and I'm running out of options. He is a smart boy. Believe me. But maybe not by society's standards.

Edit: It has come to my attention that I'm not actually asking a question. Thus I will ask: what should I do to help my son in this situation?

EDIT 2: Thanks to each and one of you for your time. I realized where I was failing and I will give my son all the help he needs. He will be ok. Once again, thank you all for your kindness.

td;lr : Son feels bad about his life, his objectives and himself.

Submitted November 04, 2018 at 06:18AM by MotinGotin https://ift.tt/2P91xGr