My boyfriend and I recently celebrated our one year, and everything has been going really well. I feel like we communicate well, we love going on day dates and adventures, he’s smart, thoughtful, kind, handsome, you name it. We are constantly laughing, having deep talks, cuddling, it has been wonderful. Any time we’ve had to have a tough conversation, I’ve felt great about how we listen to each other and work to implement change. We have been planning to move in together (both of our first times) at the 1.5 year mark. All in all, I couldn’t be happier for the first time in seven ish years and it feels amazing. There is just one. Thing.
He either doesn’t love me, or doesn’t feel comfortable saying it. I said it six months in, and I thought cool no rush. So I said it again nine months in, still nada. So close to a year, I decide to talk to him about it because it’s starting to really worry me. I mentioned it a couple months ago and he said he feels that way but it’s really hard for him to say. I asked if he’s said it before and he said yes (4 year college relationship, ended several years ago, no contact, she is happily married.) I ended up crying because I was just so confused. I know every relationship is different, but it really wore on me that he knew much sooner with her, if that makes sense. I’ve only said it twice myself, so I don’t say it lightly either. I wrote I love you with seashells in the beach and he was like I love seeing it and love when you say it so don’t stop. I decided to drop the subject and let him come to me with the L word so that he wouldn’t be pressured.
It helped a lot that his actions make me feel loved. He’s always going the extra mile and telling me he’s proud of me. He will tell me he can’t wait to see me and cuddle with me when we are apart, when I’m happy I do a little happy wiggle and he is like that is the cutest thing ever I love that you do that and it’s unique to you, never stop! :) things like that. It makes me feel full of love and happy.
I talked to my therapist and she was like “it’s actually fairly common that one person struggles to say it. As long as he’s showing you he loves you, you should feel good about that.” I don’t know how common it actually is, but it made me feel better for a while.
But then lately, we’ve been just extra sweet, he’s been even more affectionate - writing me sweet cards and signing them “love, Ben” and writing that he’s excited for the future, and expressing a lot of verbals. Verbal is my love language, so I’ve been over the moon. It felt like hey, maybe he likes to take his time - and he’s finally there. I have had a hard time NOT saying it, with all of the cuteness just going on around here. So this morning it just sort of popped out, I said “hey Ben?” While we were laying in bed facing one another being cute. And he said “yes whatisloveduhduhduh?” And I said “I love you.” And he said “you know you’re my boo right?” (Nickname from when I was little, he loves calling me it.” And I said “mhm” and he said “and you’ll always be my boo” and kissed me a couple times.
I’m just... I know he was trying to be cute. And maybe i’m setting myself up for failure by saying it three times now. I just feel like if we are planning on moving in together in three months... either he should be feeling it and just struggling to say that, or he just doesn’t feel that way. He lost a parent tragically and horrifically soon before we met so I thought maybe he had some walls up. I don’t know. I’m so confused and I felt so hurt when he responded that way. It feels like he genuinely loves me. Am I being unfair here? I’ve just never experienced this in such a happy relationship. It seems to be getting better and better, but I don’t want to set myself up for hurt.
TLDR; I’ve said I love you a couple times, each time my boyfriend doesn’t say it back - but he talks about the future and living together and seems wildly happy.
Submitted November 04, 2018 at 04:18PM by whatisloveduhduhduh https://ift.tt/2ySqtaV
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