We have together almost 13 years now and married for 8.5 years. we have a 3 year old together but he lies and keeps things from me.
It started about a year into our relationship. We had just moved in together and there was a problem with our rent not getting paid. He insisted it was a problem with the bank and he would sort it out. Two weeks later I get a phone call from our landlord saying it had to be sorted or we would get kicked out. The next night he was home late by about 3 hours (had me worried sick) and admitted that he had a gambling problem.
he had wasted close to $2000 and we had to catch up on our rent using a small amount of money I was given from my uncle when he passed. I told him that he needed to seek counciling (which he did for 5 sessions) and that we could get through it together but he could never lie to me or keep things from me again.
When we got engaged several years later, we were saving like crazy to pay for the wedding when I discovered a bank statement in the rubbish. Looking through it I discovered that there were lots of withdrawls from pubs and gaming venues. gambling again. Over $5000. I was heartbroken but decided to give him another chance.
During the next few years he took up smoking on 4 different occasions (not an issue - he is an adult) and each time he hid it from me, making excuses just to pick something up from the shops or pop somewhere to see a friend really quickly. Each time I questioned him he would say that he worked with smokers or someone though it would be funny to blow it in his face or something like that. It's not the smoking thats the issue but keeping it from me feels like a betrayal of trust. The most recent time was when our child was 5 months old and I was so angry at him, hiding down the side of the house smoking and pushing them down the drain pipe when I walked out and caught him red handed.
I asked him to leave and he did for the night. He then had a breakdown saying he was so stressed after the birth of our child he didnt know what else to do. He kept asking me if he was a horrible person and that he must have been so awful to live with if i wanted to leave him.
Our child is now 3 and I have just found out that he has been in contact with someone from our past. (this is complicated so im sorry)
10 years ago my husbands brother had a child with a woman who was crazy. actually crazy. burnt his clothes, killed his pet lizard and accused his dad of being a pedophile amongst other things. his brother passed away 9 years ago and we havent seen the ex partner or the child in about 6 years. when we got pregnant with our child we discussed letting his brothers ex know and decided against it. he promised me he wouldnt tell her as i just didnt think it was safe and didnt know what she was capable of.
but.... he had a phone call on the way to work (1:30AM) from this woman 3 weeks ago and she wanted to make a time to catch up and he told her about our child. he then kept that from me for a week, only telling me after our weekend holiday so he didnt have to deal with my reaction while we were away.
after a massive fight 3 weeks ago i told him i think we needed to trial a separation (I feel like he has broken my trust again and he feels like im being selfish) i dont know what to do. its been 3 weeks and i still dont know if i can ever trust him again.
we talked about it again today and he accused me of gaslighting him, being selfish and overreacting and as i was putting our child to sleep tonight (8pm) he went to bed rather than staying up and discussing it with me further.
am i an idiot? i dont think i can continue in this relationship but i dont want my child to come from a broken home and it breaks me to think about it but i just dont know what to do. please give me some advice! i dont have anyone else to talk to.
TL:DR: husband has lied and hidden things throughout our relationship and is accusing me of overreacting when i told him i want to leave.
Submitted November 17, 2018 at 02:56AM by mrcrzset https://ift.tt/2Ft0Yms
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